May 2007

Early in Alzheimer's disease, people are aware that they are losing their memories and this self-knowledge creates anxiety. As they decline and become less aware of what they are lost, the panic associated with this condition begins to subside as you can see in the brief May 3 email.

The May 4 email demonstrates a phenomenon I call the 10 minute loop (it can also be a 5 minute loop or a 30 minute loop) it just depends. To me this is one of the most heart breaking patterns of any cognitive impairment. You think that you are having a normal conversation. The person you are talking with asks questions and interacts with you in a way that has a logical flow. Then suddenly, as if the RESET button has been hit, it starts all over again, often with the exact same question, with the conversation proceeding identically.

The messages from my mom this month are beginning to get quite sad. Family members are strangers. Every day events are surprises. The risk of accidents is increasing and it is almost impossible to prevent them.

May 3, 2007
Nana has had several good days in a row. We have had beautiful spring weather. Everything is blooming. The grass is very green. Nana and I are looking forward to the birthday party at D’s house on Sunday. Nana did ask me late tonight where she was. When I told her that she was in her house, she just said OK. She was not a bit agitated the way she has been in the past.

May 4, 2007
Nana has been very confused today. She did go to get her hair done and then A took her out for dinner. When she came home she told me that she found going out very difficult. She said that she had to keep asking A where she was. After A brought her home, Nana was distressed that A did not stay here. She wanted to know why A did not live here. Then she wanted to know where she did live. Then she wanted to know who she lived with there. Then she asked when A got married. Then she asked if she had children. Then she asked if her children lived with her. Then she asked why her children did not live with her. Then she began to ask the questions all over again. I know that I should be patient. And I really try to be kind. But when it is all over, I am really worn out. I know that the questions are not her fault. But I am still exhausted. Maybe she will sleep well tonight since she had a busy day.

May 8, 2007
On Sunday A took us to D’s house for R’s birthday party. We had a wonderful time. Each time we visit I see more of the beautiful home and yard that D and C have. Sunday we sat out on the porch. It has two sky-lights. And the view of the yard from there is spectacular. After we got home, Nana told me that she did not know anyone at the party, but she had a nice time.

Today Nana was very confused. She kept looking for her mother even though I told her that her mother had been gone a long time. Tonight she kept saying that she had two dogs. She wanted to feed both of them a banana even though I told her that she just had one dog and that he did not eat bananas.

At least we are having beautiful weather. The grass is green and everything else is blooming. People with allergies are having a difficult time this spring. But it is nice to look at out the window.

May 11, 2007
On Tuesday night A2 told me that she thought that Nana was confused. On Wednesday morning, M told me that Nana was very confused. On Wednesday night, A2 told me that Nana was logical. Later that night, Nana kept looking for her mother who has been gone for forty years. On Thursday night Nana kept me up most of the night demanding that I leave my bed to see the lights in her room. Finally at four AM, she became very angry when I refused to get out of bed. At 4:30 and again at 5:00 I had to get up to close the door in the kitchen. When I awoke at 9:00 AM the kitchen door was unlocked, but at least it was not open. When M arrived at 10:00, she found the living room door was wide open. But at least Nana was not out doors. Each day seems to bring a new crisis.

May 16, 2007
Today was a quiet day. Nana spent most of the day in the living room in her favorite chair. She slept on and off. She seems to dream often and then be unable to separate dreams from reality. She often says that she has two dogs. Sometimes she thinks that she has a cat. She does not always remember that this is her house. She talks about the people who put her here. She refuses to use her walker, but she is unsteady when she walks. But she is still eating well. And she is not in pain.

May 17, 2007
Today Nana chose to use her walker. But she fell out of her easy chair. She had put up the foot rest. Then she took a short nap. When she woke up, she decided to go to her room. She forgot to put down the foot rest before she stood up. As she stood, the chair tipped over and she landed on the floor on her hands and knees. She said that she was not hurt. She got up and sat in a wooden chair for a few minutes. Then she went to her room. She came into the living room later when R2 stopped to visit. When M came to fix her dinner, we decided that she should sit at the table rather than use the chair with the foot rest up. She ate her dinner and then went to bed. She came back into the living room at about 10:30 to ask me a question. She seemed to be walking OK. Hopefully she will remember to put the footrest down next time.

May 19, 2007
Last night R came to visit Nana. Because I was in the living room, I got a hug too. But R spent most of the time just talking to Nana. Two hours later, Nana accused me of stealing her husband. I assumed that she was talking about Pop. So I explained that Pop was my father and that she was my mother. And I definitely was not trying to steal her husband. R came back today. I spent the whole time in my room. Nana is very possessive about her visitors. Tonight when she was talking about R, she referred to him as her boyfriend. I reminded her that he was her grandson. Now I am wondering if last night accusations were not about Pop, but were about R. Either way it is a sad situation.

May 21, 2007
This afternoon Mr. P called to offer to take Nana to musical club tonight. I thanked him for making the offer, but told him that Nana was very ill last summer and that she often does not know where she is now. Mr. & Mrs. P took Nana to musical club several times during the past two years. But lately she has felt frightened even when she went to get her hair done. Today she has been sleeping most of the day. I do not think that she would do well in a house full of strangers.

May 22, 2007
For years, each time the mailman delivers mail to our house, Fluffy barks furiously. That is often the signal for Nana to go out and get the mail. Yesterday when Fluffy barked, Nana asked me what was wrong with the dog. I told her that the mailman had come. She did not know what I was talking about. She did not know who a mailman was. The same thing happened today.

On the good news side, when I came home from therapy today, I could hear Nana playing the piano. When I got inside, she told me that she had turned on the big organ in the living room and could not figure out how to turn it off. After she went to bed tonight, I found the switch with a flashlight and turned it off. But at least she was playing the organ and the piano.

May 25, 2007
Nana had a good day today. She got her hair done and A took her out for dinner. A said that they had a nice time.

Fluffy did not have a good day. M said this morning that Fluffy had diarrhea and had an accident in the living room. She could not get outdoors fast enough. Last night Nana finished off two pints of coffee ice cream. I am afraid that she gave half of it to poor Fluffy. Fluffy seems better tonight.

May 30, 2007
This past week I have not been getting much sleep. Nana has been wandering around until three or four in the morning. She keeps opening the front door in the living room and leaving it open. One night I stayed up and kept closing and locking the door. I did it three times before I finally fell asleep at four in the morning. When M came in the morning, she told me that the front door was open again. Maybe we will need to remove the key the way R did in the studio and hang the key on fishing line out of sight for emergencies.

Nana is still up now. It is one-thirty AM. I just sent her to play the piano. She sleeps quite often during the day. Maybe that is one reason that she wanders at night.