I mentioned in the August summary that one sign that my dad's mom needed more care than she could get at home was her unpredictable wandering.
My Nana has begun to wander. This does not bode well for the status quo. I believe that hard decisions are coming to my family sooner than everyone would like.
On a positive note, I see from this email that I come by my night-owl tendencies honestly.
September 6, 2007
Last night Nana and I stayed up all night. Nana was agitated about one thing after another. Finally at 5:30 AM I thought that she had finally decided to go to bed. Fifteen minutes later I gave up and let myself fall asleep.
When I awoke at 9:30 AM, the door to the kitchen was open, so obviously Nana had not stayed in bed. When M came in at 10:00, she could not find Nana. She looked upstairs because she had found her there in the past. She was not upstairs. Poor Fluffy was locked in her cage. Nana had even put a chair in front of the door so that she could not get out.
M checked the basement because the door was open. Nana was not there either. So I asked her to look outside. She did not come back for a very long time. I was really getting worried when I heard M's voice. She had found Nana in the back yard lying on the ground by J's camper. M managed to get her up and on to the porch. Nana sat on the bench while M went to get the walker. Nana did not seem to have any visible injuries. She complained that her back hurt. M noticed later that Nana had one ankle that was a bit swollen. After breakfast, M helped Nana get back to bed. She slept most of the day. When M came back to fix Nana’s dinner, Nana did not eat much. Then she went back to sleep again.
After Nana was found this morning, I called A to let her know what happened. There are no easy answers about what to do next. But I fear that since Nana has left the house once, she may do it again. Thank goodness she went into the back yard. L*** Avenue is very busy most of the day.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
August 2007
My mom is beginning to realize that Nana cannot interpret or process rationale thoughts, that there is no advantage to forcing "truth" on her when her brain can no longer interpret the difference. It is so slow this cognitive decline and yet inexorable. From the outside it looks like the time may be soon when my Nana will need 24/7 care and monitoring. My mom, who has difficulty walking, may not be sufficient to keep them both safe. Since she lives it every day I think it must be very hard to see the changes. There are good days and bad but slowly this disease is eroding the woman my Nana was. The wonderful women who help care for my Nana have been traveling which seems to have exacerbated some of the problems.
I am waiting for the event that triggers a more dramatic intervention by our family. With my dad's mom, that event was my Nannie's visit to a stream where she had met with a childhood boyfriend. In her mind, she was still a young lady going on an outing. The path to the stream was treacherous and she fell and broke her arm. However, she kept trying to convince her daughters that everything was just fine. It wasn't. I don't think we are quite here with my Nana but it feels close.
August 8, 2007
Nana’s friend R is staying with us for a few days. She belonged to Nana’s choir at the Dunellen church. This week R sold her house in Dunellen. She needed to have all her belongings out of the house yesterday. It was a much bigger project than she expected. She finally got to our house at 1:30 this morning. She was really exhausted. She needs a day or two to rest up before she drives back to her home in North Carolina. Nana seems happy to have R here. When R finally sat down in a chair in the living room this morning, Nana said “Now the house is calm.” I am not sure what Nana meant by her statement, but she seemed pleased with the situation.
Note: my Nana is one of those women who was comfortable with the idea of auras, premonitions, astrology and palm reading. I suspect that both my mom and my Nana were comforted having someone capable like R in the house and that truly the house was calmer. It is so like my Nana to say so.
August 11, 2007
Nana’s friend R left Friday morning to drive back home to North Carolina. She called tonight to let us know that she had reached Virginia. She will drive the rest of the way home tomorrow. I think that Nana was happy to have her old friend stay here for a few days. R found that closing her house up to sell was a lot more work than she expected. She was really frazzled the first night that she was here. By last night she was relaxed and ready to start on her journey home.
A2 brought her friend M2 here to meet Nana tonight. She will come to fix Nana’s dinner each night next week while A2 is away. M is also going on vacation next week. But she will only be away one week. When she comes home, she will come twice a day for the next two weeks that A2 is away.
August 19, 2007
Nana has been more confused lately than she was before. She often talks with people who are not there. But Nana is sure that she has visitors several times a day. Today she asked me who fixed this house to look just like her other house. Usually she understands that this house belongs to her. But today she did not seem to make the connection. Maybe tomorrow will be better since she had a lot of sleep today.
August 21, 2007
Nana is not having a good day today. At 5:30 AM she awoke me to say that one of her dogs was lost. I told her that she had just one dog. She seemed angry about that, but she left. Then she came in to complain that there was a gang in her room. I told her that she probably just had a bad dream. In the afternoon Nana told M that she fell while trying to get out of her chair. The chair fell on top of her. She said that she was not hurt. That has happened before when she forgets to use the handle to put the foot rest down before she tries to get up. M has been able to convince Nana that she should be using her walker again. Evidently she was having trouble walking this morning. She told me this morning that her hips hurt when she walked. Also while M was here this evening, Nana refused to speak with R when he called. Normally she races for the phone when it ring just in case it is R calling. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Aug 25, 2007
Nana went to have her hair done as usual today. Then A brought her home. Then M came back for the third time to fix Nana’s dinner. Nana’s hair looked nice and she was happy about the color of her fingernails. M and I told her that she would look nice for A's birthday party. Then about two hours after M left, Nana came into my room and demanded that I go and get her car and bring it home. When I told her that she did not have a car now, she became furious and said that I was mean and nasty. She became so obsessed and so angry that I finally just said that I could not get her car because I did not have the keys and that I could not walk that far. She persisted with the same demands for two hours. Then she decided that I should move out because she did not like me.
Now she can’t find Fluffy. From some of the things she has said, she may have closed the back door so that Fluffy can’t come in. But since it is 80 degrees outside, and I am exhausted from all of Nana’s demands, I think that I will wait until I have had some sleep before I look for Fluffy. I hope that after Nana has some sleep, she will be calm again.
August 29, 2007
Nana seemed fine most of the day. She ate a good breakfast and a good dinner when M came. Then at about 8:30 tonight, she came to ask me when someone was coming to take her home. I told her that she was already home. She left me and came back a few minutes later with the same question. Later I went into the living room. She thanked me for coming upstairs with her. I did not even try to argue with her again. Since then, about every ten minutes, she has come over to ask me if I will stay with her. I have just answered yes. Maybe I should not try to tell her the truth any more. She seems happy if I just agree with her. If I try to tell her the truth, she gets very upset. Maybe keeping her happy is more important.
August 30, 2007
By this morning, I had pretty much decided to agree with Nana whatever she says. She seems happier that way. When I spoke to M this morning, she has decided to do the same thing. Nana’s situation seems to change from day to day. We will see how this approach works.
August 31, 2007
Nana and I both slept well for two nights. Tuesday night no one slept. Late that night Nana was obsessed with finding her mother. Nothing I said would convince her to go to bed. She kept wandering around the house. Around four AM I heard her upstairs. When M came in the morning, I asked her to check on lights upstairs. It was dark when Nana went up there, so she must have turned on some lights. M found lights on in every room. She also found the ceiling fan running. In each room she found some of Nana’s clothes on the floor. I do no know what Nana was really doing upstairs, but I am thankful that she made it up and down again safely.
Tonight I made some soup. After I ate, I put the pan in the sink to wash. I left the kitchen for a few minutes. When I came back, the pan was gone. I finally found it on the floor in the living room. Nana does not know why she put it there.
M will be away for the three day weekend. She will be back on Tuesday. A2 is due back on Tuesday night. I miss them both when they are not here.
I am waiting for the event that triggers a more dramatic intervention by our family. With my dad's mom, that event was my Nannie's visit to a stream where she had met with a childhood boyfriend. In her mind, she was still a young lady going on an outing. The path to the stream was treacherous and she fell and broke her arm. However, she kept trying to convince her daughters that everything was just fine. It wasn't. I don't think we are quite here with my Nana but it feels close.
August 8, 2007
Nana’s friend R is staying with us for a few days. She belonged to Nana’s choir at the Dunellen church. This week R sold her house in Dunellen. She needed to have all her belongings out of the house yesterday. It was a much bigger project than she expected. She finally got to our house at 1:30 this morning. She was really exhausted. She needs a day or two to rest up before she drives back to her home in North Carolina. Nana seems happy to have R here. When R finally sat down in a chair in the living room this morning, Nana said “Now the house is calm.” I am not sure what Nana meant by her statement, but she seemed pleased with the situation.
Note: my Nana is one of those women who was comfortable with the idea of auras, premonitions, astrology and palm reading. I suspect that both my mom and my Nana were comforted having someone capable like R in the house and that truly the house was calmer. It is so like my Nana to say so.
August 11, 2007
Nana’s friend R left Friday morning to drive back home to North Carolina. She called tonight to let us know that she had reached Virginia. She will drive the rest of the way home tomorrow. I think that Nana was happy to have her old friend stay here for a few days. R found that closing her house up to sell was a lot more work than she expected. She was really frazzled the first night that she was here. By last night she was relaxed and ready to start on her journey home.
A2 brought her friend M2 here to meet Nana tonight. She will come to fix Nana’s dinner each night next week while A2 is away. M is also going on vacation next week. But she will only be away one week. When she comes home, she will come twice a day for the next two weeks that A2 is away.
August 19, 2007
Nana has been more confused lately than she was before. She often talks with people who are not there. But Nana is sure that she has visitors several times a day. Today she asked me who fixed this house to look just like her other house. Usually she understands that this house belongs to her. But today she did not seem to make the connection. Maybe tomorrow will be better since she had a lot of sleep today.
August 21, 2007
Nana is not having a good day today. At 5:30 AM she awoke me to say that one of her dogs was lost. I told her that she had just one dog. She seemed angry about that, but she left. Then she came in to complain that there was a gang in her room. I told her that she probably just had a bad dream. In the afternoon Nana told M that she fell while trying to get out of her chair. The chair fell on top of her. She said that she was not hurt. That has happened before when she forgets to use the handle to put the foot rest down before she tries to get up. M has been able to convince Nana that she should be using her walker again. Evidently she was having trouble walking this morning. She told me this morning that her hips hurt when she walked. Also while M was here this evening, Nana refused to speak with R when he called. Normally she races for the phone when it ring just in case it is R calling. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Aug 25, 2007
Nana went to have her hair done as usual today. Then A brought her home. Then M came back for the third time to fix Nana’s dinner. Nana’s hair looked nice and she was happy about the color of her fingernails. M and I told her that she would look nice for A's birthday party. Then about two hours after M left, Nana came into my room and demanded that I go and get her car and bring it home. When I told her that she did not have a car now, she became furious and said that I was mean and nasty. She became so obsessed and so angry that I finally just said that I could not get her car because I did not have the keys and that I could not walk that far. She persisted with the same demands for two hours. Then she decided that I should move out because she did not like me.
Now she can’t find Fluffy. From some of the things she has said, she may have closed the back door so that Fluffy can’t come in. But since it is 80 degrees outside, and I am exhausted from all of Nana’s demands, I think that I will wait until I have had some sleep before I look for Fluffy. I hope that after Nana has some sleep, she will be calm again.
August 29, 2007
Nana seemed fine most of the day. She ate a good breakfast and a good dinner when M came. Then at about 8:30 tonight, she came to ask me when someone was coming to take her home. I told her that she was already home. She left me and came back a few minutes later with the same question. Later I went into the living room. She thanked me for coming upstairs with her. I did not even try to argue with her again. Since then, about every ten minutes, she has come over to ask me if I will stay with her. I have just answered yes. Maybe I should not try to tell her the truth any more. She seems happy if I just agree with her. If I try to tell her the truth, she gets very upset. Maybe keeping her happy is more important.
August 30, 2007
By this morning, I had pretty much decided to agree with Nana whatever she says. She seems happier that way. When I spoke to M this morning, she has decided to do the same thing. Nana’s situation seems to change from day to day. We will see how this approach works.
August 31, 2007
Nana and I both slept well for two nights. Tuesday night no one slept. Late that night Nana was obsessed with finding her mother. Nothing I said would convince her to go to bed. She kept wandering around the house. Around four AM I heard her upstairs. When M came in the morning, I asked her to check on lights upstairs. It was dark when Nana went up there, so she must have turned on some lights. M found lights on in every room. She also found the ceiling fan running. In each room she found some of Nana’s clothes on the floor. I do no know what Nana was really doing upstairs, but I am thankful that she made it up and down again safely.
Tonight I made some soup. After I ate, I put the pan in the sink to wash. I left the kitchen for a few minutes. When I came back, the pan was gone. I finally found it on the floor in the living room. Nana does not know why she put it there.
M will be away for the three day weekend. She will be back on Tuesday. A2 is due back on Tuesday night. I miss them both when they are not here.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
July 2007
My Nana continues her slow decline. There are days of lucidity interspersed with days where her knowledge of common things continues to deteriorate. I am so grateful for my mother's frequent updates and yet this process is so sad. Because my mom lives with Nana, she sees the ups and downs more intimately. You can hear (read) my mom's frustration that the other family members are less aware that my Nana will soon need, or already does need, round the clock supervision. These are difficult topics for families to discuss. It is selfish but I am relieved to live 1776 miles away.
July 4
M told us on Friday that she will no longer be able to come on weekends after Saturday. A came on Sunday and brought Nana a cruller and coffee from Dunkin Donuts. I was not here because I went to church for the first time in a long time. Nana told me later that A had come and spent some time talking with her. Time spent with her is more important to Nana than food right now. She can always find a banana or some yogurt if she is hungry.
Nana is sleeping a lot this week. She did not awaken me last night. But she must have been up some time during the night because the kitchen door was unlocked this morning. Thank goodness I do not have to worry about the living room door being open anymore. Nana complained at first when I locked that door and removed the key. But she seems to have accepted that it is necessary now. When I was a little girl, the house was never locked. No one needed to lock doors in the old days. But the world has changed, and so has this neighborhood. Our neighbors in the ranch house next door moved out in the middle of the night a couple of months ago. Even though there is a real estate sign in front of the house, no one has cut the grass, even in the front yard, all summer.
I put the fireworks on TV for Nana tonight. She used to really like watching the Fourth of July programs. But tonight she slept through most of it. I do not blame her. The music was not even very good.
July 13
A tried to take Nana out for dinner tonight after Nana went to the hair dresser. When they got to the restaurant, Nana said that she did not feel well. Once they got back in the car to come home, Nana began vomiting. She said that she was carsick. When they finally got home, Nana refused to get out of the car. She said that she was still sick. Finally A got her into the house, but only as far as the studio chair. I urged A to try to get her into bed where she would be more comfortable and also closer to the bathroom. Nana finally moved to the couch and refused to move any more. So A went home and Nana slept. At 11:00 I found that she had finally moved to her bed. Fluffy was asleep on the floor right next to the bed. Nana is asleep now so I hope that her car sickness is over.
July 14
Nana slept well last night. When A arrived today to fix her breakfast, Nana said that she was all better. She ate eggs and toast and coffee. She has been up and around all day. She also played the piano for a long time. She has not done that in weeks. Tonight when A2 came, she ate a good dinner too. We are all glad that she is feeling better.
July 17
On Monday Nana asked A2 to stay to talk with her while she ate dinner. A2 told me later that Nana’s conversation was logical and that ideas seemed to be clear in her mind.
For the past twelve years I have been going twice a week for therapy. Nana often plays the piano or the organ while I am gone. Sometimes she just sleeps. Today when I got home, she told me that she was upset about being in the house alone. She said that she did not know where I was, even though I told her as I was leaving that I was going out for therapy and that I would be back soon. Today was the first time that she expressed any concern about being alone in the house. Tonight she kept telling me that other people were in the house watching TV in her studio. There is no TV in her studio.
July 26
A2 said that Nana ate a good dinner tonight. Then she went to bed early.
Nana has been having trouble walking. Her sense of balance is not good. She is still refusing to use her walker. She did go out on the porch to get the mail. Then she could not decide what to do with it, so she left it in the kitchen.
July 30
It has been really hot and humid here. Yesterday I pinned my hair up to try to keep cooler. Nana noticed and said that my hair looked nice. So she can see more than she admits to seeing.
We had a thunder storms today where we had thunder for about 90 minutes before we ever saw rain. The thunder was very loud. Fluffy couldn’t find a place to hide where she felt safe. She finally hid next to my bed under a pillow that had fallen on a floor. It is quiet now and she is sleeping peacefully.
When A fixed breakfast for Nana yesterday, she told her that she would be back later to take her out for dinner. When I saw Nana an hour later, she had traded her clothes for a night gown. I had trouble convincing her to get dressed again. But she finally got dressed again and she had a nice time out with A. Nana really needs someone with her all that time. Twice when I have gone out for therapy lately, she has been upset about being alone when I came home.
July 4
M told us on Friday that she will no longer be able to come on weekends after Saturday. A came on Sunday and brought Nana a cruller and coffee from Dunkin Donuts. I was not here because I went to church for the first time in a long time. Nana told me later that A had come and spent some time talking with her. Time spent with her is more important to Nana than food right now. She can always find a banana or some yogurt if she is hungry.
Nana is sleeping a lot this week. She did not awaken me last night. But she must have been up some time during the night because the kitchen door was unlocked this morning. Thank goodness I do not have to worry about the living room door being open anymore. Nana complained at first when I locked that door and removed the key. But she seems to have accepted that it is necessary now. When I was a little girl, the house was never locked. No one needed to lock doors in the old days. But the world has changed, and so has this neighborhood. Our neighbors in the ranch house next door moved out in the middle of the night a couple of months ago. Even though there is a real estate sign in front of the house, no one has cut the grass, even in the front yard, all summer.
I put the fireworks on TV for Nana tonight. She used to really like watching the Fourth of July programs. But tonight she slept through most of it. I do not blame her. The music was not even very good.
July 13
A tried to take Nana out for dinner tonight after Nana went to the hair dresser. When they got to the restaurant, Nana said that she did not feel well. Once they got back in the car to come home, Nana began vomiting. She said that she was carsick. When they finally got home, Nana refused to get out of the car. She said that she was still sick. Finally A got her into the house, but only as far as the studio chair. I urged A to try to get her into bed where she would be more comfortable and also closer to the bathroom. Nana finally moved to the couch and refused to move any more. So A went home and Nana slept. At 11:00 I found that she had finally moved to her bed. Fluffy was asleep on the floor right next to the bed. Nana is asleep now so I hope that her car sickness is over.
July 14
Nana slept well last night. When A arrived today to fix her breakfast, Nana said that she was all better. She ate eggs and toast and coffee. She has been up and around all day. She also played the piano for a long time. She has not done that in weeks. Tonight when A2 came, she ate a good dinner too. We are all glad that she is feeling better.
July 17
On Monday Nana asked A2 to stay to talk with her while she ate dinner. A2 told me later that Nana’s conversation was logical and that ideas seemed to be clear in her mind.
For the past twelve years I have been going twice a week for therapy. Nana often plays the piano or the organ while I am gone. Sometimes she just sleeps. Today when I got home, she told me that she was upset about being in the house alone. She said that she did not know where I was, even though I told her as I was leaving that I was going out for therapy and that I would be back soon. Today was the first time that she expressed any concern about being alone in the house. Tonight she kept telling me that other people were in the house watching TV in her studio. There is no TV in her studio.
July 26
A2 said that Nana ate a good dinner tonight. Then she went to bed early.
Nana has been having trouble walking. Her sense of balance is not good. She is still refusing to use her walker. She did go out on the porch to get the mail. Then she could not decide what to do with it, so she left it in the kitchen.
July 30
It has been really hot and humid here. Yesterday I pinned my hair up to try to keep cooler. Nana noticed and said that my hair looked nice. So she can see more than she admits to seeing.
We had a thunder storms today where we had thunder for about 90 minutes before we ever saw rain. The thunder was very loud. Fluffy couldn’t find a place to hide where she felt safe. She finally hid next to my bed under a pillow that had fallen on a floor. It is quiet now and she is sleeping peacefully.
When A fixed breakfast for Nana yesterday, she told her that she would be back later to take her out for dinner. When I saw Nana an hour later, she had traded her clothes for a night gown. I had trouble convincing her to get dressed again. But she finally got dressed again and she had a nice time out with A. Nana really needs someone with her all that time. Twice when I have gone out for therapy lately, she has been upset about being alone when I came home.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
June 2007
I think my Nana is getting worse. The June 28 email made me laugh. She answered a cup of coffee. I could see my Nana doing this in my mind but it is very sad at the same time.
You may have noticed that my Nana gets her hair done pretty frequently. She's always done this. These days most of us wash our hair every day sometimes twice depending on our activities. My Nana is from a time where a lady had her hair done at the beauty parlor and spent the week keeping the hairdo tidy. I remember her sleeping in a cap and rollers. I cannot imagine but I suspect the sameness of this ritual brings her comfort.
June 2
After several weeks of finding the living room door wide open each morning, I finally locked the door and removed the key. Talking to Nana about the importance of keeping the door closed, especially at night, did not help at all. Both M and A2 do have keys in case of an emergency. It won’t stop Nana from going out the kitchen door, but my chances of hearing the door opening are better in the kitchen.
June 4
Last night I couldn’t find the scissors that I have kept in the bathroom for years. I kept them in the top drawer of the plastic dresser underneath a towel. This morning I asked M to keep an eye out for the scissors. She found them right away in Nana’s room. I have no idea what Nana planned to do with the scissors. But I am a bit concerned that she was going through my drawer. I have put the scissors away in a more secure place. I plan to put away some other scissors that I have in my bedroom. I wonder if I should put away the knives in the kitchen. Each day brings new questions.
June 8
A took Nana out for dinner tonight. Nana said that she had a good time, but she was very tired when she got home. She must also have done more walking than usual because she said that her legs ached. After a short nap she felt fine again.
Tuesday night Nana’s friend R2 called to ask if she could come to visit. Nana knew who she was as soon as they spoke on the phone. R2 came a short time later, and Nana was glad to see her. They had a nice visit. So Nana has had two very good days this week.
June 9
Last night when I told you that Nana had a good day, I spoke too soon. She stayed up all night. At 4:30 AM she came into my room and asked me where BS was. BS was my best friend when I was growing up. She often stayed here over night. But she has lived in Kentucky for thirty years.
On the good news side, A2 took Nana to get her hair done today and also out for dinner. Nana was so happy that A2 took her to visit her daughter L. I have not met L, but Nana really liked her. She was very happy when she came home tonight.
June 13
Today Nana has been more confused than ever before. First she told me that she had taken Fluffy for a ride in her car. Then she told me that she had taken her two cats to her house at the shore and left them there. Then she asked me where Cliff (Pop, her deceased husband) was. I told her that he had been gone a long time. She said that he just came home from work. Then she tried to go upstairs to find him. It is nearly two AM and she is still wandering around telling me things that do not make any sense. I have tried to get her to go to sleep. But so far I have not been successful.
June 17
A few nights ago, Nana’s front tooth fell out. It is a post and crown that has been glued back on several times. The last time, the dentist said that when it fell out the next time, it would need to be replaced. A took Nana yesterday to have the old post removed. On Tuesday Nana will see the dentist for the next step in the process. M and A2 are preparing food that will not irritate the gum. Nana does not seem to be in any distress about the problem. She went to get her hair done yesterday and then went out for dinner with A2.
June 20
Tonight Nana was very confused. But she did eat a good dinner. She can still walk well. She is not in pain. Usually in the morning she is less confused than she is in the evening.
June 28
Nana has been very confused lately. Neither one of us has been getting much sleep. Nana has been wandering around asking me questions until 6:00 AM, 4:00 AM, 3:00 AM, and last night 4:00 AM. I think that she is more confused when she does not sleep. But I do not know how to make her go to sleep. Tonight when the phone rang, she picked up her coffee cup and said hello. I was not able to get to the phone in time to answer it for her.
We are having a heat wave. Yesterday it was 95 degrees. Today it was closer to 100, and it was humid. Thank goodness the AC is still working.
You may have noticed that my Nana gets her hair done pretty frequently. She's always done this. These days most of us wash our hair every day sometimes twice depending on our activities. My Nana is from a time where a lady had her hair done at the beauty parlor and spent the week keeping the hairdo tidy. I remember her sleeping in a cap and rollers. I cannot imagine but I suspect the sameness of this ritual brings her comfort.
June 2
After several weeks of finding the living room door wide open each morning, I finally locked the door and removed the key. Talking to Nana about the importance of keeping the door closed, especially at night, did not help at all. Both M and A2 do have keys in case of an emergency. It won’t stop Nana from going out the kitchen door, but my chances of hearing the door opening are better in the kitchen.
June 4
Last night I couldn’t find the scissors that I have kept in the bathroom for years. I kept them in the top drawer of the plastic dresser underneath a towel. This morning I asked M to keep an eye out for the scissors. She found them right away in Nana’s room. I have no idea what Nana planned to do with the scissors. But I am a bit concerned that she was going through my drawer. I have put the scissors away in a more secure place. I plan to put away some other scissors that I have in my bedroom. I wonder if I should put away the knives in the kitchen. Each day brings new questions.
June 8
A took Nana out for dinner tonight. Nana said that she had a good time, but she was very tired when she got home. She must also have done more walking than usual because she said that her legs ached. After a short nap she felt fine again.
Tuesday night Nana’s friend R2 called to ask if she could come to visit. Nana knew who she was as soon as they spoke on the phone. R2 came a short time later, and Nana was glad to see her. They had a nice visit. So Nana has had two very good days this week.
June 9
Last night when I told you that Nana had a good day, I spoke too soon. She stayed up all night. At 4:30 AM she came into my room and asked me where BS was. BS was my best friend when I was growing up. She often stayed here over night. But she has lived in Kentucky for thirty years.
On the good news side, A2 took Nana to get her hair done today and also out for dinner. Nana was so happy that A2 took her to visit her daughter L. I have not met L, but Nana really liked her. She was very happy when she came home tonight.
June 13
Today Nana has been more confused than ever before. First she told me that she had taken Fluffy for a ride in her car. Then she told me that she had taken her two cats to her house at the shore and left them there. Then she asked me where Cliff (Pop, her deceased husband) was. I told her that he had been gone a long time. She said that he just came home from work. Then she tried to go upstairs to find him. It is nearly two AM and she is still wandering around telling me things that do not make any sense. I have tried to get her to go to sleep. But so far I have not been successful.
June 17
A few nights ago, Nana’s front tooth fell out. It is a post and crown that has been glued back on several times. The last time, the dentist said that when it fell out the next time, it would need to be replaced. A took Nana yesterday to have the old post removed. On Tuesday Nana will see the dentist for the next step in the process. M and A2 are preparing food that will not irritate the gum. Nana does not seem to be in any distress about the problem. She went to get her hair done yesterday and then went out for dinner with A2.
June 20
Tonight Nana was very confused. But she did eat a good dinner. She can still walk well. She is not in pain. Usually in the morning she is less confused than she is in the evening.
June 28
Nana has been very confused lately. Neither one of us has been getting much sleep. Nana has been wandering around asking me questions until 6:00 AM, 4:00 AM, 3:00 AM, and last night 4:00 AM. I think that she is more confused when she does not sleep. But I do not know how to make her go to sleep. Tonight when the phone rang, she picked up her coffee cup and said hello. I was not able to get to the phone in time to answer it for her.
We are having a heat wave. Yesterday it was 95 degrees. Today it was closer to 100, and it was humid. Thank goodness the AC is still working.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
A Parent's Wish
A few weeks ago my mother sent me a link to Parent's Wish a "touching and poignant slideshow of a parents' wish during their old age... Recommended viewing for children whose parents suffer from old age diseases (parkinsons, alzheimers, dementia, etc.)." A direct link the the show is here. There's a Josh Groban song (you raise me up from Closer
) playing during the show so you might want to turn the sound up.
There are special versions for both single mothers and single fathers.
You can learn more about the creation of this inspiring slide show here.
If you are losing your patience and feeling frustrated with the people in your life who are losing their memories and skills, taking a break to watch this slide show may help.
) playing during the show so you might want to turn the sound up.There are special versions for both single mothers and single fathers.
You can learn more about the creation of this inspiring slide show here.
If you are losing your patience and feeling frustrated with the people in your life who are losing their memories and skills, taking a break to watch this slide show may help.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Who's who
As much as possible I have tried to anonymize this blog so that it could be about any mother, any grandmother. Most of the people discussed are relatives who come and go. My mother's voice is the primary voice here. In posts where her voice and mine are together, my comments are ALWAYS in italics, generally at the beginning of the monthly post.
Many people come to see my Nana, mostly relatives. I generally identify my mom but everyone else is denoted by their first initial which can get confusing as many people share the same first initial. There are also two wonderful women who come to see my Nana and help her throughout the day. They are A2 (so as not to confuse her with my aunt A) and M. To help a bit, I have assembled the above family pedigree. By convention, men are squares and women are circles. Luckily I have a small family.
How to read this blog
Because blogger by default puts the post in reverse chronological order, it can be difficult to figure out where to start reading.
Start at the very first post for an introduction.
All of the other posts are in reverse chronological order. The best way (in my opinion) to is to start with the oldest date available in the "a day in the life" category. Each individual post (one per month) is in chronological order for that month.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
May 2007
Early in Alzheimer's disease, people are aware that they are losing their memories and this self-knowledge creates anxiety. As they decline and become less aware of what they are lost, the panic associated with this condition begins to subside as you can see in the brief May 3 email.
The May 4 email demonstrates a phenomenon I call the 10 minute loop (it can also be a 5 minute loop or a 30 minute loop) it just depends. To me this is one of the most heart breaking patterns of any cognitive impairment. You think that you are having a normal conversation. The person you are talking with asks questions and interacts with you in a way that has a logical flow. Then suddenly, as if the RESET button has been hit, it starts all over again, often with the exact same question, with the conversation proceeding identically.
The messages from my mom this month are beginning to get quite sad. Family members are strangers. Every day events are surprises. The risk of accidents is increasing and it is almost impossible to prevent them.
May 3, 2007
Nana has had several good days in a row. We have had beautiful spring weather. Everything is blooming. The grass is very green. Nana and I are looking forward to the birthday party at D’s house on Sunday. Nana did ask me late tonight where she was. When I told her that she was in her house, she just said OK. She was not a bit agitated the way she has been in the past.
May 4, 2007
Nana has been very confused today. She did go to get her hair done and then A took her out for dinner. When she came home she told me that she found going out very difficult. She said that she had to keep asking A where she was. After A brought her home, Nana was distressed that A did not stay here. She wanted to know why A did not live here. Then she wanted to know where she did live. Then she wanted to know who she lived with there. Then she asked when A got married. Then she asked if she had children. Then she asked if her children lived with her. Then she asked why her children did not live with her. Then she began to ask the questions all over again. I know that I should be patient. And I really try to be kind. But when it is all over, I am really worn out. I know that the questions are not her fault. But I am still exhausted. Maybe she will sleep well tonight since she had a busy day.
May 8, 2007
On Sunday A took us to D’s house for R’s birthday party. We had a wonderful time. Each time we visit I see more of the beautiful home and yard that D and C have. Sunday we sat out on the porch. It has two sky-lights. And the view of the yard from there is spectacular. After we got home, Nana told me that she did not know anyone at the party, but she had a nice time.
Today Nana was very confused. She kept looking for her mother even though I told her that her mother had been gone a long time. Tonight she kept saying that she had two dogs. She wanted to feed both of them a banana even though I told her that she just had one dog and that he did not eat bananas.
At least we are having beautiful weather. The grass is green and everything else is blooming. People with allergies are having a difficult time this spring. But it is nice to look at out the window.
May 11, 2007
On Tuesday night A2 told me that she thought that Nana was confused. On Wednesday morning, M told me that Nana was very confused. On Wednesday night, A2 told me that Nana was logical. Later that night, Nana kept looking for her mother who has been gone for forty years. On Thursday night Nana kept me up most of the night demanding that I leave my bed to see the lights in her room. Finally at four AM, she became very angry when I refused to get out of bed. At 4:30 and again at 5:00 I had to get up to close the door in the kitchen. When I awoke at 9:00 AM the kitchen door was unlocked, but at least it was not open. When M arrived at 10:00, she found the living room door was wide open. But at least Nana was not out doors. Each day seems to bring a new crisis.
May 16, 2007
Today was a quiet day. Nana spent most of the day in the living room in her favorite chair. She slept on and off. She seems to dream often and then be unable to separate dreams from reality. She often says that she has two dogs. Sometimes she thinks that she has a cat. She does not always remember that this is her house. She talks about the people who put her here. She refuses to use her walker, but she is unsteady when she walks. But she is still eating well. And she is not in pain.
May 17, 2007
Today Nana chose to use her walker. But she fell out of her easy chair. She had put up the foot rest. Then she took a short nap. When she woke up, she decided to go to her room. She forgot to put down the foot rest before she stood up. As she stood, the chair tipped over and she landed on the floor on her hands and knees. She said that she was not hurt. She got up and sat in a wooden chair for a few minutes. Then she went to her room. She came into the living room later when R2 stopped to visit. When M came to fix her dinner, we decided that she should sit at the table rather than use the chair with the foot rest up. She ate her dinner and then went to bed. She came back into the living room at about 10:30 to ask me a question. She seemed to be walking OK. Hopefully she will remember to put the footrest down next time.
May 19, 2007
Last night R came to visit Nana. Because I was in the living room, I got a hug too. But R spent most of the time just talking to Nana. Two hours later, Nana accused me of stealing her husband. I assumed that she was talking about Pop. So I explained that Pop was my father and that she was my mother. And I definitely was not trying to steal her husband. R came back today. I spent the whole time in my room. Nana is very possessive about her visitors. Tonight when she was talking about R, she referred to him as her boyfriend. I reminded her that he was her grandson. Now I am wondering if last night accusations were not about Pop, but were about R. Either way it is a sad situation.
May 21, 2007
This afternoon Mr. P called to offer to take Nana to musical club tonight. I thanked him for making the offer, but told him that Nana was very ill last summer and that she often does not know where she is now. Mr. & Mrs. P took Nana to musical club several times during the past two years. But lately she has felt frightened even when she went to get her hair done. Today she has been sleeping most of the day. I do not think that she would do well in a house full of strangers.
May 22, 2007
For years, each time the mailman delivers mail to our house, Fluffy barks furiously. That is often the signal for Nana to go out and get the mail. Yesterday when Fluffy barked, Nana asked me what was wrong with the dog. I told her that the mailman had come. She did not know what I was talking about. She did not know who a mailman was. The same thing happened today.
On the good news side, when I came home from therapy today, I could hear Nana playing the piano. When I got inside, she told me that she had turned on the big organ in the living room and could not figure out how to turn it off. After she went to bed tonight, I found the switch with a flashlight and turned it off. But at least she was playing the organ and the piano.
May 25, 2007
Nana had a good day today. She got her hair done and A took her out for dinner. A said that they had a nice time.
Fluffy did not have a good day. M said this morning that Fluffy had diarrhea and had an accident in the living room. She could not get outdoors fast enough. Last night Nana finished off two pints of coffee ice cream. I am afraid that she gave half of it to poor Fluffy. Fluffy seems better tonight.
May 30, 2007
This past week I have not been getting much sleep. Nana has been wandering around until three or four in the morning. She keeps opening the front door in the living room and leaving it open. One night I stayed up and kept closing and locking the door. I did it three times before I finally fell asleep at four in the morning. When M came in the morning, she told me that the front door was open again. Maybe we will need to remove the key the way R did in the studio and hang the key on fishing line out of sight for emergencies.
Nana is still up now. It is one-thirty AM. I just sent her to play the piano. She sleeps quite often during the day. Maybe that is one reason that she wanders at night.
The May 4 email demonstrates a phenomenon I call the 10 minute loop (it can also be a 5 minute loop or a 30 minute loop) it just depends. To me this is one of the most heart breaking patterns of any cognitive impairment. You think that you are having a normal conversation. The person you are talking with asks questions and interacts with you in a way that has a logical flow. Then suddenly, as if the RESET button has been hit, it starts all over again, often with the exact same question, with the conversation proceeding identically.
The messages from my mom this month are beginning to get quite sad. Family members are strangers. Every day events are surprises. The risk of accidents is increasing and it is almost impossible to prevent them.
May 3, 2007
Nana has had several good days in a row. We have had beautiful spring weather. Everything is blooming. The grass is very green. Nana and I are looking forward to the birthday party at D’s house on Sunday. Nana did ask me late tonight where she was. When I told her that she was in her house, she just said OK. She was not a bit agitated the way she has been in the past.
May 4, 2007
Nana has been very confused today. She did go to get her hair done and then A took her out for dinner. When she came home she told me that she found going out very difficult. She said that she had to keep asking A where she was. After A brought her home, Nana was distressed that A did not stay here. She wanted to know why A did not live here. Then she wanted to know where she did live. Then she wanted to know who she lived with there. Then she asked when A got married. Then she asked if she had children. Then she asked if her children lived with her. Then she asked why her children did not live with her. Then she began to ask the questions all over again. I know that I should be patient. And I really try to be kind. But when it is all over, I am really worn out. I know that the questions are not her fault. But I am still exhausted. Maybe she will sleep well tonight since she had a busy day.
May 8, 2007
On Sunday A took us to D’s house for R’s birthday party. We had a wonderful time. Each time we visit I see more of the beautiful home and yard that D and C have. Sunday we sat out on the porch. It has two sky-lights. And the view of the yard from there is spectacular. After we got home, Nana told me that she did not know anyone at the party, but she had a nice time.
Today Nana was very confused. She kept looking for her mother even though I told her that her mother had been gone a long time. Tonight she kept saying that she had two dogs. She wanted to feed both of them a banana even though I told her that she just had one dog and that he did not eat bananas.
At least we are having beautiful weather. The grass is green and everything else is blooming. People with allergies are having a difficult time this spring. But it is nice to look at out the window.
May 11, 2007
On Tuesday night A2 told me that she thought that Nana was confused. On Wednesday morning, M told me that Nana was very confused. On Wednesday night, A2 told me that Nana was logical. Later that night, Nana kept looking for her mother who has been gone for forty years. On Thursday night Nana kept me up most of the night demanding that I leave my bed to see the lights in her room. Finally at four AM, she became very angry when I refused to get out of bed. At 4:30 and again at 5:00 I had to get up to close the door in the kitchen. When I awoke at 9:00 AM the kitchen door was unlocked, but at least it was not open. When M arrived at 10:00, she found the living room door was wide open. But at least Nana was not out doors. Each day seems to bring a new crisis.
May 16, 2007
Today was a quiet day. Nana spent most of the day in the living room in her favorite chair. She slept on and off. She seems to dream often and then be unable to separate dreams from reality. She often says that she has two dogs. Sometimes she thinks that she has a cat. She does not always remember that this is her house. She talks about the people who put her here. She refuses to use her walker, but she is unsteady when she walks. But she is still eating well. And she is not in pain.
May 17, 2007
Today Nana chose to use her walker. But she fell out of her easy chair. She had put up the foot rest. Then she took a short nap. When she woke up, she decided to go to her room. She forgot to put down the foot rest before she stood up. As she stood, the chair tipped over and she landed on the floor on her hands and knees. She said that she was not hurt. She got up and sat in a wooden chair for a few minutes. Then she went to her room. She came into the living room later when R2 stopped to visit. When M came to fix her dinner, we decided that she should sit at the table rather than use the chair with the foot rest up. She ate her dinner and then went to bed. She came back into the living room at about 10:30 to ask me a question. She seemed to be walking OK. Hopefully she will remember to put the footrest down next time.
May 19, 2007
Last night R came to visit Nana. Because I was in the living room, I got a hug too. But R spent most of the time just talking to Nana. Two hours later, Nana accused me of stealing her husband. I assumed that she was talking about Pop. So I explained that Pop was my father and that she was my mother. And I definitely was not trying to steal her husband. R came back today. I spent the whole time in my room. Nana is very possessive about her visitors. Tonight when she was talking about R, she referred to him as her boyfriend. I reminded her that he was her grandson. Now I am wondering if last night accusations were not about Pop, but were about R. Either way it is a sad situation.
May 21, 2007
This afternoon Mr. P called to offer to take Nana to musical club tonight. I thanked him for making the offer, but told him that Nana was very ill last summer and that she often does not know where she is now. Mr. & Mrs. P took Nana to musical club several times during the past two years. But lately she has felt frightened even when she went to get her hair done. Today she has been sleeping most of the day. I do not think that she would do well in a house full of strangers.
May 22, 2007
For years, each time the mailman delivers mail to our house, Fluffy barks furiously. That is often the signal for Nana to go out and get the mail. Yesterday when Fluffy barked, Nana asked me what was wrong with the dog. I told her that the mailman had come. She did not know what I was talking about. She did not know who a mailman was. The same thing happened today.
On the good news side, when I came home from therapy today, I could hear Nana playing the piano. When I got inside, she told me that she had turned on the big organ in the living room and could not figure out how to turn it off. After she went to bed tonight, I found the switch with a flashlight and turned it off. But at least she was playing the organ and the piano.
May 25, 2007
Nana had a good day today. She got her hair done and A took her out for dinner. A said that they had a nice time.
Fluffy did not have a good day. M said this morning that Fluffy had diarrhea and had an accident in the living room. She could not get outdoors fast enough. Last night Nana finished off two pints of coffee ice cream. I am afraid that she gave half of it to poor Fluffy. Fluffy seems better tonight.
May 30, 2007
This past week I have not been getting much sleep. Nana has been wandering around until three or four in the morning. She keeps opening the front door in the living room and leaving it open. One night I stayed up and kept closing and locking the door. I did it three times before I finally fell asleep at four in the morning. When M came in the morning, she told me that the front door was open again. Maybe we will need to remove the key the way R did in the studio and hang the key on fishing line out of sight for emergencies.
Nana is still up now. It is one-thirty AM. I just sent her to play the piano. She sleeps quite often during the day. Maybe that is one reason that she wanders at night.
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