July to September 2008

It’s been a stressful few months since my last update. The locks, which were installed after my Nana’s errant wandering, allowed some time for my family to make some challenging decisions. My Nana was seen by a team of doctors. Her unsurprising diagnosis was moderate to severe Alzheimer’s disease. While I've been fearful that some accident would cause our family to face Nana's decline, instead my mom has made a decision that is toppling that first domino.

My mom found an apartment and is in the process of moving out. I think she's just had enough. I have no idea how she has endured this long. However, given this major change, I’m not sure how many more updates will be possible once my mom moves out. My mom's sister, A, will move in for a few weeks after my mom moves out. I suspect this experience will determine the future - should an assisted living facility be found for my Nana or should a full time caregiver be brought in. I can't see any other viable alternatives at this point. In spite of her Alzheimer's disease, my Nana's health is otherwise good. This is a very cruel disease.

July 1, 2008
Nana had another adventure today. I left the house at 2:45 to go for therapy. Nana was asleep in her favorite chair in the living room. A2 was due to arrive at 5:00. As she left work, she had a bad feeling about Nana. She came here instead of going home. She arrived at 3:15. She could not find Nana when she came into the house. She found the kitchen door wide open. A2 found Nana lying on the ground in the back yard. A2 is very small. She could not get Nana up from the ground. So she called A to come and help. Together they got Nana back into the house. Nana had hurt her forehead, her hands, and her knees. But basically she is OK. A came back at 6:30 to check on Nana. In a short time Nana was ordering A around.

July 4, 2008
This morning A arrived at about 5:45. She could not find Nana. I had recently heard a sound from K's room, so I told her to check upstairs. She did find her up there, but she was undressed because it was so hot up there. This afternoon A and R came back and put two extra locks on the door. The first one is a hook and eye with a spring clasp. The second device is a plastic door knob that goes over the regular door knob, but must be turned a special way in order to open the door. When A2 came, I showed her how to open the door. Hopefully Nana will not get out doors and fall again, or worse, get into the street. L Avenue is very busy several times a day.

July 14, 2008
The decision that Nana should not be left alone, plus a trip to Australia by A2, has meant that A has been here with Nana often during the past week. Nana has been much happier during that time. She is always happy to see A. Last night when she came into my room to tell me that she wanted to go home, I told her that we were home, and that we did not plan to go out that night. She said OK and went to bed. In the past she has told me the same thing over and over again, sometimes for hours. Last night she just went to bed and stayed there. Seeing more of A has been very good for Nana. It must be difficult for A to fit extra visits into her busy schedule.

July 21, 2008
Twice I have seen Nana try to open the kitchen door now that it has new locks on it. I told Nana that we did not want to go out because it was much too hot. She was very annoyed, but she did go back to her room. I am not sure what would have happened if I had not been there. If she tried to open the door during one of her more lucid periods, she might be successful. But so far the door is holding.

July 25, 2008
Last night when I went to bed, I found an empty packet of dog food on the floor. And I thought, "At least it wasn't cookies this time." Then when M arrived this morning, she discovered that Nana had also given Fluffy a pint of ice cream, a container of fresh berries, and a plastic container of sliced almonds. I do not mind sharing my food with Nana, but I am very unhappy when she gives my food to Fluffy. Nana also spilled something on her bed. M had to strip it completely and wash all the bedclothes. Thankfully Nana was busy inside the house this time.

July 26, 2008
As soon as A left tonight, Nana was on a mission to feed Fluffy. When I told her several times that Fluffy had already had dinner, she would not believe me and became very angry. She finally left the kitchen. Evidently she was just waiting for me to leave the kitchen. First she gave Fluffy one of my sandwich rolls. Fluffy brought it into the living room to show me while she ate it. Then she gave Fluffy one of my fat free ice-cream sandwiches. Fluffy brought that to show me too. Then she brought a raw egg. She was very careful with it and put it on the floor next to my computer. When I next went into the kitchen, the refrigerator door was wide open. Leaving that door open when it is so hot, is not a good thing. I am almost afraid of what I will find when I go into the kitchen to put the egg away. Ah well.....

August 8, 2008
Nana has been confused several days this week. This morning M found her in bed upstairs. At first she did not want to come down stairs. M went back upstairs to get her after about twenty minutes. Then she was willing to come downstairs for breakfast. This evening M took her outside for a while because the weather was nice. Nana did not want to stay long. She is sleeping now.

August 21, 2008
Nana was very confused tonight. She thought that A2 was a man. She said that he was trashing the kitchen and stealing things from the rest of the house. She locked poor Fluffy in her cage because she was following Nana. Fluffy always follows Nana, She wants to be with Nana where ever she goes.

I took a nap. When I awoke and went into the living room, Nana had left her walker next to the dining room table. Then she put a large chair in the pathway so that I was blocked from entering the living room. And Fluffy's water dish was missing from the kitchen. I have not found it yet.

A few months ago I gave Nana a small Teddy bear. At first she wanted to throw it away. Then M talked her into keeping it. A couple of weeks later Saturn sent me a very soft dog. I gave it to Nana. This time she loved the animal at first sight. I would often find her talking to the dog and hugging it. This week I gave her a white bear. She liked it right away too. She kept the animals on a table next to her chair. She called them her family. Yesterday she moved all the animals to a table next to her bed.

September 12, 2008
A took Nana for an evaluation arranged by social services today. It took three hours, and included a social worker, an internist, and a psychiatrist. The diagnosis is moderate to severe Alzheimer’s. But I guess that we knew that all along. Or maybe we all knew except A. Tonight Nana has been looking for Pop and K. She is angry with me because I will not agree that I saw them her. But if I agree that I saw them, then she wants me to find them for her.

September 13, 2008
A has been hiding her head in the sand much longer than I thought possible. Last night she called D to tell her how shocked she was at Nana’s diagnosis. D said that she and C had been trying to tell A the same thing for three years. A still acted shocked when I saw her this morning. Last night Nana kept trying to go upstairs. I was able to stop her as long as I was sitting at my computer. But as soon as I left the room, Nana went upstairs. Evidently she decided to sleep up there because she did not come down until A went up to get her this morning.

September 14, 2008
Yes, I am really looking forward to my new life in [new town]. I have a lot of work to do before I can move, but I am working on it. A is very unlikely to move in with Nana. She rarely stays more than an hour when she does come here. Nana might really be happier in a nursing home. At least she would have other people to talk with there. A thinks that Nana will be happiest here at home. I have never lived alone before. I am looking forward to having a bathroom where no one will come in to see what I am doing, and ask me to tell them about it.

September 20, 2008
A took Nana to see her cardiologist today. He said that she is fine and that he would see her in a year. Later this afternoon, Nana went to have her hair done. When A2 brought her home, she seemed very confused. She kept saying that she wanted to go home. She seems to be most confused when she is tire. She will probably feel better tomorrow.

September 29, 2008
My friend S stopped in during all the chaos to say hello. She is the one who has been urging me for years to move into one of the apartments. A told me yesterday that she plans to move into the house with Nana for two weeks after I move. She hopes to find someone who can live in to stay with Nana through the holidays. After that she is not sure what will happen. She would like Nana to be able to stay in her own house, but that may not be the safest choice for Nana at this point.

October 3, 2008
Everything has been very quiet around here for weeks. I had really gotten used to the new Nana. But last night Nana kept trying to get out of the house to find her car. When I would not help her get out doors, she decided that she had lost her keys. She kept asking me to find her lost keys. This morning she was searching for Pop. This afternoon when I started to go into the living room, I found that the basement door open, and the lights in the basement were on. Today is the first time that Nana has managed to get the basement door open since R put the extra lock on it. Nana was still trying to find Pop when A2 came to take her to the hair dresser. I guess that the quiet time is over.

June 2008

Things are getting worse for my Nana. The wandering has increased. My Nana is starting to injure herself in the night, so far not in an acute way, but worrisome nonetheless. Emails between family members, in response to my mom's updates, are getting a bit tense (not shown here this month). As you can see from today's (June 30) email, this time the police found Nana wandering in the night. Her behavior is becoming a bit more aberrant each day - dirty underwear in the silverware drawer - yes funny but also truly sad. I don't want to remember her this way.

June 5, 2008
Last night while I was sitting at my computer, Nana tried to go upstairs three times. Since my walker was blocking the stairs, I was able to convince her that we no longer went upstairs. She insisted that someone was up stairs. At first it was a party. Then it was a girl that she needed to take care of right away. The last time it was a man that she needed to see. There is always a price for stopping Nana from doing what she wants to do.

When I went into the kitchen, I found that she had opened a new half gallon of milk with a steak knife. There was milk all over the counter and on the floor. There was a plastic cup of milk on the floor full of milk, so obviously she was feeding Fluffy. In all my life, I have never seen Nana drink milk. She also fed Fluffy my potato salad. This morning M told me that she had also fed Fluffy the ham that M had bought to put in Nana's omelet. M and I are running out of places to hide things.

Nana slept most of the day. She looked really tired when A2 gave her some dinner. She finally had to feed her the dinner. When she put her to bed, Nana was complaining that her shoulder hurt. I think that when she fell last week, she landed on her shoulder. So she gave her some Tylenol and rubbed some salve on her shoulder. Perhaps she will feel better tomorrow.

June 11, 2008
Nana was happy last night and tonight because A2 just sat and talked with her. It was much too hot for anything else. But after A2 went home, Nana became very confused. She was looking for Pop. She left her walker in front of the commode. She forgot to flush the commode. She wanted me to take her somewhere else, even though we have been having thunder storms tonight.

A few years ago when Nana would say the same thing several times, I would say that she had a bee in her bonnet. Later when she would say the same thing for an hour or more, I would say that she was obsessed. Last week A came up with a new description of Nana mood and actions. She said that she was on a mission. Sometimes her missions are to get outdoors. Sometimes her missions are to scatter her clothes all over the house. Tonight her mission appears to be avoiding sleep.

June 20, 2008
T, our next door neighbor rescued Nana again last night. T called me at 12:30 AM. She said that she had Nana at the door. She told me that her dog Cosmo would not leave her alone last night. She finally went out side and found Nana. So we have both T and Cosmo to thank. When she came inside, I asked Nana where she had been. Nana said that she went out into the back yard and then she got lost. She had her walker with her this time, so I do not think that she fell. But M found a bruise on the back of Nana's hand this morning. We can't figure out how that happened. I am just thankful that T found Nana and brought her home.

June 28, 2008
Nana has found a new place to hide things. This morning M found a pair of soiled underwear in the kitchen in the silverware drawer. She washed everything in the drawer.

On the good news side, Nana got her hair done today. Then A2 took her out to the Scotchwood Diner for dinner. A1 said that she had a good time.

June 30, 2008
This morning I awoke at 6:50 AM because someone was knocking on the kitchen door. It was the police. They found Nana wandering around the front yard.

Someone had called them when they saw Nana sitting on the front steps. The police called the rescue squad and they took her to the hospital. Fortunately Muhlenberg Hospital is still open. I called A to let her know that Nana was on the way to the hospital. A followed Nana and brought her home. She said that she was not injured, just covered with dirt. M thought that perhaps she had been digging in the garden near the front door where A2 had planted some flowers a few days ago. Nana is sitting in the living room now in her favorite chair. She is sleeping most of the time, but she has talked to me several times when she awakens.

I am not sure what time Nana went outside. I was in the living room between two and three having a very late dinner. I can't hear the alarm on the door from the living room. When I went to bed, Nana's walker was blocking the way near the basement stairs. It was facing the living room. Nana often leaves her walker blocking the area where I need to walk. When I finally got into the kitchen, the kitchen door was open. Nana opens that door every time she enters the kitchen. It did not occur to me that she was outside because the walker was in the house. The last time she went outside during the night, she took the walker with her. In the future, the walker will not indicate where she is. Nana had even put her new red quilt on her bed, so it appeared that she was asleep.

I am thankful that the police found her before she got into the street. L Avenue is busy even at six AM.

April & May 2008

These last two months have been difficult for my family. My Nana continues to get worse. The family continues to fight about what care is appropriate & necessary. As you can see from the past two months, some days pass quietly with nothing of interest except my Nana's weekly trip to the beauty parlor. She's kept this schedule for 70 years. I hope the familiarity of it comforts here. Other days are not so simple. There has been more wandering, more disrobing, more falling - nothing life threatening yet but a few close calls.

In the background of this slow decline, my uncle K learned that he will need triple bypass surgery so that he will be fit enough to qualify to receive a kidney transplant. He will have surgery Monday. I think we are all more focused on him at this time. His situation is more urgent. I love you K.



April 5
A took Nana to get her hair done today because she had missed two appointments. Nana seems to feel just fine, but she is sleeping a little bit more than usual.

April 12
A2 picked Nana up at 3:30 to take her to get her hair done. Poor A2 was still here at 9:00 because Nana kept getting upset when she tried to leave. A2 really gave above and beyond the call of duty today. Nana seemed to be OK tonight after A2 finally went home.

April 18
Spring is really here too. It was 85 degrees today when I drove home from the dentist. All the trees and shrubs are blooming. Many people are sneezing. But it does look beautiful. I need to arrange for cleanup of the yard. Many ice storms this winter brought down many branches, especially in the back yard.

Nana is OK. She had her hair done today. Going out makes her very tired. She went to bed at about seven o’clock. The other night she hid not just the phone, but also the console with the answering machine. She hid it behind her recliner. It took me a long time to find it. Then at 5:00 AM I heard her footsteps in Kip’s room. I could not get upstairs to check on her. When M came in the morning, I asked her to check upstairs. This time it appears that she just left doors open. She was downstairs by the time M came.

When A2 left tonight, she told me that she was not coming tomorrow because she is going to New York with some people from her church to see the Pope. She is a very devout Catholic.

April 21
Today I went into the living room to eat my lunch as I usually do. Nana was asleep in her favorite chair. After a while she awoke and walked out of the room. She often leaves the room when I arrive. A short time later, I heard someone call my name. I answered and invited her into the living room. It was our next door neighbor T.A. She told me that Nana was outside trying to get into the car. T.A. went outside to stay with Nana, and I went to unlock the studio door. When I opened the door, I saw that Nana had her walker. I do not know how she got it down the porch steps without falling. At any rate, T.A. helped her to come inside. Then Nana said that she would go lie down. When T.A. left, I relocked the door and went back to the living room. Then T.A. called on the telephone. She said that after she saw Nana try to get into the car, she walked down the driveway and across the street. Then she crossed the street again to return to our yard. That is when T.A. came over. She said that many cars needed to stop to let Nana cross the street. She did not want to tell me when Nana was around. Thank goodness T.A. saw her and brought her back inside.

Tonight when A2 was here, she found that Nana had opened the dog's door and left it open. She closed it again and locked it.

When I called A, she said that Nana could not afford to have someone here any more hours that she already has. Maybe Nana will decide to stay in doors now.

April 22 – from my cousin D whose husband works in assisted living
I talked to C (her husband) about Nana’s wandering. He said it’s very normal that as the weather improves, the wandering will increase. He was very clear that this behavior will not resolve itself. It’s a typical urge in dementia patients and is part of the normal progression of the disease.

My opinion is that Nana needs to have 24 hour care or needs to go to a facility. However, those decisions are up to K, J and A.

April 27
Evidently D stopped at A’s house on her way to Connecticut for the weekend. She read A the riot act for not putting Nana in a nursing home. A was ready to send someone from a very expensive nursing home to evaluate Nana for admission. I suggested that she get estimates from several nursing homes in the area before she does anything else. It is a difficult situation no matter how you look at it. I am sure that A keeps getting Nana's hair dyed so that she can pretend that Nana is just the same as she always was.

Note: I'm not sure what the proverbial straw will be but it seems like it is coming soon. These "scary" days are starting to appear more frequently.

May 10
I have an appointment to meet with the manager of the Westfield Senior Housing complex to present my financial information. Suddenly my number is five. When I asked if that meant an apartment would become available in about a year, she said no, about six months. I really think that Nana might be ready for a change of living arrangements by then. She often complains that there is no one to talk to now. She often carries on conversations with people who are not there. She might just be happier in a place where there are more people for her to interact with on a daily basis.


Note: To me, this note, more than any of the others exemplifies how dire this situation is. My mom has NEVER lived alone. It was never part of her life plan. And yet, here she is looking forward to the day when she will have her own apartment in a few short months.

May 11
Nana had a good day today. First R, A3 and E came to visit. Then K called her. Then A came to visit and to fix her dinner. She is sleeping now. Actually she seems to be sleeping more than usual lately. But the other night she stayed up most of the night. For more than two hours, she carried on a conversation with someone that only she could see. She often complains that she has no one to talk to now. Maybe her private conversation is her way of compensating.

May 12
Nana is up late tonight. She has come in twice to ask me how she can get to the movies tonight. When I told her that it was after midnight and rainy, she said that she was going to bed. Then she came back a few minutes later asking the same question

May 16
Nana keeps adding to her list of things that she is feeding poor Fluffy. In addition to cookies, she has given her yogurt, and this week, she added coffee. A couple of days ago, M found Kleenex all over the floor when she arrived. There was even more Kleenex on the floor this morning. She told M that she did not do it. But whoever did it, we are now down two new boxes of Kleenex. We are running out of places to hide things. I have put away all the scissors that I could find. And M and I hid all of the super-sharp knives that Pop had in the kitchen. Today Nana is getting her hair done as usual on Friday afternoon. Today she is also supposed to have a pedicure and a manicure. She will look nice when she comes home, but she will probably be tired.

May 18
This week I visited the Westfield Senior Housing to have a tour of the place. It is a beautiful place, inside and out. There are many services available. My only complaint is that the apartments are very small. But the people who run the place are very nice. And all the residents that I met were very welcoming. I even met a woman with whom I worked at All-state, more than fifteen years ago. All in all, my visit was very positive.

May 26
Nana has been riding a roller coaster this week, but today was calm. Piper came with A to fix Nana's dinner. Fluffy was a bit insulted about Piper's visit, but the rest of us were glad to see her.

Last night A2 took Nana out to the Scotch Plains Diner. Nana once went there often. Several people who work there remembered her and gave her a warm welcome. Friday Nana went to get her hair done. She was very tired when she came home, and a bit confused. On Thursday she slept most of the day because she had been up all night and very agitated. She was sure that someone was conspiring against her at night. In the morning she wanted to call the police to have me taken away because she did not like me. Thank goodness the week ended better than it began.

May 30
Last night Nana was up most of the night. At 3:00 AM Fluffy came into the kitchen and was barking at the door. I got up and opened the kitchen door. I could not see anyone on the porch. But Fluffy kept barking. So I went into my room to get my light weight walker. The walker with four wheels is too heavy for me to take on the porch. Then I heard someone knocking on the outside door. Just as I was about to return to the kitchen, Nana came in from the porch and went into her room without even looking at me. She was wearing just her underwear. After that, it was quiet, so I thought that she had gone to sleep. But she was busy the rest of the night, just busy very quietly.


When M arrived in the morning, she found clothes scattered all over the place. After M gave Nana a shower, Nana wanted to wear white pants. They were too small. Then M recognized them as pants that she had put upstairs weeks ago because they were too small. When M went upstairs, there were lights on and clothes out of place. Then she checked the porch, and she found several of Nana's coats that had been hanging on the coat rack in the studio.


After M left, I expected that Nana would sleep for a few hours the way she usually does. But she came into my room and began to ask me questions about all the people who had come to the house and taken things. Then she got mad at me when I tried to tell her that there was no one else in the house. Then while I was taking a shower, she came into the bathroom demanding to know who had told me that I could take a shower. She was angry because I was taking a shower. Usually when she has been up all night, she sleeps most of the next day. This time it was different. Maybe she will sleep tonight.


Note: I know it's wrong but these stories always make me laugh even as I cry inside. You can try to look for the logic in Nana's actions but really there is none to be found.

May 31
Late last night I found Nana sleeping on the floor. It took me five calls to wake her up to ask her why she was sleeping on the floor. She said that she did not know. I asked her if she was hurt. She said that she was not hurt. I tried to get her to sit up, but she said that she would be sick if she did. So I went to call A. Thank goodness she came right over. She told Alice the same things. A did discover that she had been sick in a pillow case. But we both agreed that she could stay on the floor if she really wanted to sleep there.


At about three AM, I went into the bathroom and discovered that Nana was no longer on the floor. But Fluffy was with her, so I decided to let her sleep where ever she was. A came again at seven. She found Nana sitting on the couch in her studio. She noticed that one finger was black and blue. Nana said that it did not hurt. She was able to get Nana into bed that time. When M came, I told her what we knew about Nana's night. We decided that she should have Gatorade instead of coffee. She ate her breakfast as usual. M noticed that Nana's lip was swollen, and there was a little bit of blood on her knees. So we think that she must have fallen. She has been sleeping most of the day. But since she had not slept much for two days, sleep is probably good for her. I will ask A2 to check her when she comes tonight.

March 2008

The days and months are beginning to flow one into the other. There are peaks and valleys but the slow decline continues. I met recently with Anne Togher, who founded Toughers, an online resource for family caregivers. I spoke to her briefly about my Nana and my family. Of note, it is so easy for families and caregivers to cling to the good days. Unfortunately the good days are not signs of recovery. They are also not a good place to measure the baseline functioning of a person; however, it is common apparently for all families to cling to the good days, to think that knowing your name 1 day of 10 is somehow a sign that the memory is recovering. As with all things, there are peaks and valleys, but the trend is sadly down.

March 5
Nana and I were up all night last night. I finally fell asleep at 7:00 AM. An hour later, I awoke to find Nana in my room trying to take my walker. She said that she could not find hers. All during the night, she kept opening the kitchen door, and leaving it open. Then I would have to get up to close the door and lock it again.

During the day today, Nana peeled three bananas and put them back in the serving dish. She did not want to eat them, she just wanted to peel them.

Tonight when M came to fix her dinner, Nana was very confused. She kept talking about the people upstairs. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

March 7
Nana was up all night again. She kept coming into my room and trying to take my walker. When M arrived, she had trouble getting in the door because Nana had covered the floor with boxes and other things. M had to wash Nana's new white quilt again. This time she had spilled coffee on it.

But otherwise, A2 came back today and took Nana to the hair dresser. Nana called me Judy when she came home. I do not know if Nana was having a good day, or if A2 told her who I was when they came home. Either way, it was quite a surprise to me. Nana usually thinks that I am the hired help, or else a classmate who is trying to steal her boyfriend. Hearing her call me Judy was a nice change.

March 16
This evening Nana and I were sitting in the living room. She slept most of the time. She did speak with her friend R for a few moments when she called. About ten minutes later, I saw Nana remove her long pants and under pants. I asked he what she was doing. She said that she needed to go to the bathroom. I told her where to find the bathroom, and I suggested that she put her pants back on before she tried to walk.

Nana also lost her walker again today. I do not know where she put it, but she finally found it again late this evening.

Note: I found this story so completely funny and yet sad at the same time. I replied to my mom about it for more information and to see how she was holding up. My mom is (and has been for the last 2 years or so) on a waiting list for an apartment in a senior complex where her friend works. I also asked how she was moving in the queue as about a year ago she was 100 or so and more recently was up to about 20.
March 17
You are right. It would be funny if it were not so sad.

Everything is in a holding pattern right now. A was here tonight. She said that D was having a birthday party for four of us in two weeks. She has decided that Nana should not attend. She said that Nana did not like the long ride to and from D’s house. I am afraid that A does not like having to spend that much time with Nana.

My number is 17. At this point, seventeen people must die before there is an apartment for me. Up to now, people often found other places to live and took their names off the list. But S told me last week that they are looking for land to build more senior housing. In Westfield, that may take a while. All over Westfield people are buying old houses, tearing them down, and building McMansions. But with the real estate market in trouble, anything is possible.

March 26
A took Nana to Medemerge last night because she had been wheezing for a couple of days. She has pneumonia, but she had no fever. Today she says that she feels fine. But she has begun to take an antibiotic and a spray for her breathing. A3 (my cousin R's girlfriend) came to visit to check on Nana. She brought Piper (another loyal dog) with her. Nana always is happy to see Piper.

A3 told Nana that she looks fine. Nana is sleeping now after the excitement of visitors.

Note: So often it is something like pneumonia that causes people with Alzheimer's disease to die. It's good they caught this early.

March 29
Nana is feeling better each day. She had a slight fever last night, but Tylenol sent it back to normal. Today she had no fever. Tonight she did not want to take her medicine because she said that it tasted terrible. It may be difficult to get her to take the medicine for the rest of the days required, but we will do our best.

March 31
I spoke too soon. Yesterday afternoon Nana was playing the piano when I went to take a shower. Then she opened the bathroom door, told me that she was sick, and threw up all over the floor. She was sick several more times during the next few hours. A came to the rescue. The R and A3 came to check on Nana too. She slept until 6:00 AM. Then she woke me up to say that she was starving because no one had fed her for two days. So I gave her a yogurt. When M came at 8:00 AM she fixed Nana eggs and toast and Gatorade. The only medicine we gave her was Antivert. The pharmacist told A not to give her any more of the antibiotic. A plans to take her to see another doctor tomorrow.

R stopped by this afternoon and got Nana to eat a little bit of chicken noodle soup. At R’s suggestion we gave her another Antivert. We hope that she continues to feel better.

January & February 2008

The daily emails have dwindled. It's amazing what can be adapted to. It's not that anything has improved. For example, naked 90 year old roams neighborhood at night - positively ordinary. The slow decline of my Nana continues, but the urgency about her condition appears to have abated. Unfortunately our family learned of more pressing medical matters. My Nana's youngest child, my uncle K, recently shared he has end stage renal failure. My Nana just turned 90, so her decline is somewhat acceptable, expected maybe. My uncle K though is far too young to be facing a central line and dialysis three times a week. I'm somewhat glad that my Nana has lost touch with reality. This would break her.

January 1
On Sunday night Nana was restless. Finally at 4:30 AM I thought that she had settled down, so I went to sleep. When M came in at 8:00 AM, she told me that Fluffy was vomiting all over the place. There was evidence that Nana had fed Fluffy lots of cookies and also egg salad. M cleaned everything up, gave Nana a shower because she had come into contact with Fluffy's illness, and then she gave Fluffy lots of water and ice cubes to chew on. She suggested that I not feed Fluffy her regular dinner until late in the day. Fluffy seems to have recovered, thank goodness.

Last night Nana went outside at 3:00 AM. When she came back inside, I went into the kitchen to close and lock the door again. That is when I noticed that the cellar door was open. The basement lights were on, and Nana's walker was by the door. I waited for her to come back upstairs, but she came in from the living room. So I got her to close the basement door, and I went back to bed. She came into my room at 4:30 AM and told me that I needed to go into the basement because her clothes were down there. I explained that I could not climb the stairs, but that A could check when she came to fix her breakfast.

When A arrived, Nana said that she could not find the quilt that she uses in her chair. Alice searched, but could not find it. I suggested that she try the porch because Nana had been out there. The quilt was not on the porch. A finally found the quilt outdoors on the side walk. She also found Nana's bathrobe, her blouse, and her sweater. A put those things in the washing machine. I was sorry that Nana was so confused, but I am glad that A could see some of the problems that we have each day.

Nana slept most of today. A had trouble waking her up tonight to eat her dinner. Once A left, Nana went back to sleep again. I hope that does not mean that she will be wandering around again tonight.

January 10
It has been several days since I have written because things have been rather quiet here. But today Nana was agitated again. She kept going out on the porch and leaving the door open. She also did something to the porch door so that it would not close. One time she left her walker in the doorway to keep the outside door open. When M came, she was able to get the door closed again.

On the good news side, R came tonight, and he was able to get Nana to play the piano for a while.

The house is quiet at the moment.

January 15
Tonight Nana was certain that Fluffy was not her dog, but a strange dog that had entered the house. For more than an hour I kept trying to convince her that Fluffy really was her dog. Then she wanted to wake her up to take her outside to go to the bathroom. I finally gave up trying to get her to leave the poor dog alone. Then she went into her room. Devoted Fluffy followed her. Ten minutes later Nana told me that SHE had put Fluffy outside, and now she would not come back inside. She said that I needed to get Fluffy to come into the house. I told her that I could not do anything, but that Fluffy would come back when she was ready. Nana just wears me out. I have worried for a long time that she might close the door so that Fluffy could not use her doggie door any more. Most days I do not have enough energy to walk to the office door to make sure that it is still open, let alone walk there every few hours to check it out. Maybe if M and A2 check it each day, it will be enough.

January 20
Today we went to A's house for R's birthday dinner. The temperature outside was heading for zero, but inside was all the warmth of a family gathering. A3 came down from Boston to help R celebrate. D greeted all the women with hugs and kisses.

Nana seemed to enjoy the party. She ate all her dinner, and seemed more comfortable with all the company this time. She just came into the living room to ask me if she should go back to bed. She did not seem confused tonight the way she often is after a party.

January 27
This week has been very difficult for Fluffy. Nana has been feeding her too many cookies. On Wednesday Fluffy came into the living room to show me her latest gift from Nana. It was a very large sandwich roll. When I went into the kitchen, my package of sandwich rolls was wide open. On Friday morning, M found a large bundle of Nana's clothes wrapped up on her bed. She also found that Fluffy had been sick on the floor. The bundle of clothes smelled like Fluffy. The bed was also soiled. M did a lot of laundry that day. A2 also did more laundry that night.

Tonight when A came, she cut a lot of the soil off Fluffy. Then she gave her a bath. Fluffy feels much better now. She even smells better.

Nana was very confused yesterday. When R2 called from North Carolina, she did not want to talk with her. She asked me to talk with her instead.

Nana seemed better when A came tonight.

February 6
This morning M told me that Nana has some teeth missing. She has removed a bridge with several teeth. We do not know if she has lost the bridge or hidden it. She does not even remember removing it.

All day long Fluffy follows Nana around. She settles down in whatever room Nana chooses. But at night lately she has been going to sleep in her cage. Maybe she is just tired and needs her rest.

February 10
Last night I found a dish full of egg salad and wheat thins on the floor in the kitchen. I got rid of it before Fluffy could finish it. Today Fluffy was sick again. I will not be ordering any more salads for Nana. Lately I have been hiding things like rolls and muffins. But in the past Nana has tried to feed poor Fluffy raw pasta. I can't hide everything. Maybe tomorrow she will find something to do.

February 17
Next Sunday Nana will be ninety. I suggested to A several times that she celebrate Nana’s birthday next Sunday and save my birthday for another day (Note: my mom & Nana have the same birthday. One of Nana's brother's also shared a birthday with them). Nana gets really angry if she has to share anything with me. She does not like to see me use my computer even though she has one of her own in her studio. She has forgotten that she once used it every day. She is angry when she remembers that I have a car and she does not. Once when R was leaving, after he hugged Nana, he gave me a hug. Nana was furious. She claimed that I was trying to steal her boyfriend. So the plan is that I will go out for lunch with my friends S and L. S is my massage therapist. L is someone that I once worked with. We get together three times a year to celebrate our birthdays. We always have a wonderful time. A will have a birthday dinner for Nana at her house.

Nana came into my room at two, three, and four this morning to ask me what time it was. So I sleep in the morning when M comes.

February 20
Last night I finally was able to get some sleep. Until this morning I had not seen M for three days. Each day when she comes, I fall asleep. Nana wanders around most of the night asking questions like "What time is it?" "What should I do next?" "When is someone coming?". I try to be patient, but it is difficult when I am so tired.

February 22
Nana and I were up all night again last night. But at four o'clock, when I thought that she had finally gone to bed, I heard her playing the piano. She played for several minutes longer than she usually does. She played the piano tonight too.

December 2007

December was a very challenging month for my mom and Nana. People with dementia act out in unpredictable ways. It is difficult for those living with them to remember to not expect rational behavior. My Nana has begun to hide things. She sneaks. She yells. She looks for people who have long been dead. There is no logical explanation. It is so critical to remember to not take the outbursts personally. Even if one knows this logically, it is difficult to ignore when someone tells you that they do not like you and want you gone from their home. Both my Nana and my mom sound severely sleep deprived which cannot be helping. The conversation about perhaps selling the house to get long term care for Nana has thus far been avoided. I find myself morbidly waiting for the event that will make everyone willing to talk.

December 12, 2007

For the past few days, Nana has slept most of the day. But she was up to play the piano with R last night. And she watched some television with me tonight. Nana really needs to use her walker now. R, M, and I keep reminding her to use it. She admits now that she does need it. Since I tell her that I need to use my walker all the time, she does not seem to be resisting the use of it as she was before. But she does forget to use it sometimes. And sometimes she loses it altogether.

December 16, 2007

Last night Nana and I had some problems. There was an ice storm going on so it was very cold outside. Nana kept opening the kitchen door and going out on the porch. No matter what I said to her, she kept opening the door. I was really getting cold. After more than an hour, I finally put my large walker in front of the kitchen door and sat on it. Nana was very angry that I would not let her keep the door open. Finally at 3:45 AM I thought that she went to bed. So I went to bed too. When M came at 8:00 AM, she told me that Nana had lost her rings. Nana said that she hid then in a pocket. M searched for a long time, but she did not find the rings. When A came tonight, she searched for the rings too, but she could not find them. During dinner, Nana changed her story. She said that she put the rings on a napkin, and then she blew her nose. So A thinks that Nana threw the rings away with a napkin. A took a bag of garbage out of the garbage pail out doors. She said that I should tell M to go through it in the morning, and any other garbage in the house. Nana has decided that she does not care if the rings have been lost or thrown away by mistake. She said that they were not worth much. I do not think that is true. But it would not do any good to argue with Nana. Now Nana is asleep since she did not sleep last night. Each day bring something new.

December 18, 2007

R was here this afternoon. He went upstairs and found Nana's rings in her jewelry box. He also found that Nana had turned all the lights on upstairs. For the time being, I have put the rings away in my room. We have all been in a tizzy for days trying to find the rings. Nana kept changing her story about where she had put them. She had us going through the garbage looking for them. We are really glad that the rings have been found.

December 20, 2007

Last night I was up all night with Nana. At 5:30 AM she came to find me in the bathroom. She said that I needed to take the little girl home. I finally went to sleep at 6:00. I slept through M’s visit to fix Nana's breakfast. Thank goodness M understands that sometimes I just need to sleep. Nana does hide things all the time. This morning I found a plastic bag full of cut vegetables in the silverware drawer. Not knowing how long the bag had been out of the refrigerator, I had to throw it all away.

Last night and tonight A2 has been washing the curtains and windows in the living room. The last time they were washed was when I did it in 1974. Housekeeping has never been of much interest to Nana.

December 21, 2007

Last night Nana and I were up all night. At 5:30 AM she told me that I had to take the little girl home. When I asked her what little girl, she got angry and walked away. Tonight while I was watching TV I fell asleep. Since I was up all night, I should not be surprised. It was 11:00 PM when I awoke. I heard a noise upstairs. Then Nana came down the stairs. I asked her what she was doing upstairs. She said that she did not know. I do not know how long she was up there. She must have gone up after I fell asleep. I told her that we did not go upstairs anymore because we could not walk very well. Then she walked quickly, without her walker, into the next room. She was not a bit hesitant. Obviously I have known that she sometimes went upstairs, but this is the first time that I ever saw her coming down the stairs. R suggested that we put a gate on the stairs when he found her rings upstairs. But she gets really angry whenever she is thwarted. My computer is right next to the stairs. She has already tried to destroy it twice. She has also threatened me several times. I am an easy target because I am here most of the time. It is a difficult situation.

December 23, 2007

The past few days have been difficult. Nana keeps waking me up at night. Last night was the worst. I did not sleep at all. Nana came into my room at 7:30 AM to continue berating me for something. She was still going strong when M came in at 8:00. M tried to get Nana to go into the living room by promising her coffee and breakfast. Nana came back to tell me that I had to move out because I would not co-operate with her. She said that it was her house and she did not like me.

This afternoon I went out for therapy. When I came home Nana had left her walker in the hallway so that I could not get to my room. She was in the living room feeding something to poor Fluffy. When she heard me moving her walker so that I could get to my room, she came in and grabbed the walker and would not let me pass. I can only stay vertical for a short time. I really needed to get to my room so that I could lie down. Nana finally moved when I yelled at her. Asking nicely does not help. But yelling really takes its toll on me. I finally made it to my room. Then I heard Nana in the kitchen. She was banging dishes and pans around. I heard her in the refrigerator. Then I heard her try to turn on the stove. Thank goodness A2 came in then. She finally convinced Nana to go to the living room so that she could cook her dinner. Nana insisted that she wanted eggs. I guess that is what she was trying to cook.

Tonight Nana went upstairs twice. I tried to convince her that we do not go upstairs anymore. She just ignored me. When she came down the second time, she was looking for Pop. She accused me of lying to her when I told her that Pop was not here. I stayed in the living room, but I could hear Nana slamming doors. Nana continues to be very angry. I am not sure how much longer I can keep going without sleep. Nana does not seem to need sleep any more.

December 28, 2007

Yesterday I needed to leave the house for an appointment before M arrived. When I arrived home, M told me that there were boxes all over the kitchen floor. I learned later that Nana had also tried to take my computer apart again. Nana told M that she does not like to be left along. I try to leave the house only when M or A2 will be here, but it is not always possible.

November 2007

November was a challenging month. What happens to a family when some members feel it is time for long term care while others are not yet ready to discuss the possibility? I write from Colorado and am relieved that there are others who are near to Nana who must make these decisions. In her October 31 email, my mom finally confessed “I am not sure how much longer the present arrangement will work.” The responses from our family were varied. Some family members remain unwilling to discuss the possibility that things have changed. Other family members proposed solutions to people who perhaps were not ready to hear them. Is it time to sell Nana’s house so that the financial resources are available to pay for her long term care? What would this mean for my mother who currently lives with her in the house? These were and are difficult conversations. Nana has her good days and her good weeks where the family can postpone these conversations. But the day is coming, inexorably, perhaps not this week, or this month, but soon.

November 1, 2007
I had no solutions for my mother, no answers. There are so many days where I selfishly think, I am so glad that I am away. I sent her the following:

Hi Mom, I wondered when someone would finally say this "I am not sure how much longer the present arrangement will work." I can sense and imagine from your emails how challenging it must be to live in this situation day in and day out. I am sorry for how difficult this is and has been for you. Cathy

My cousin, oh how I admire how direct she is, cut right to the heart of the matter. If Nana needs full time care, how will the family pay for it? Behold her solution.

J, Please know that I am not attempting to minimize how difficult it must be for you with Nana. I am also interpreting your message as a cry for help in this situation. However, there aren’t a lot of options for Nana right now. Based on discussions with my mother, it sounds like Nana cannot afford 24 hour care in her house. So, the next move from here is to place Nana in a nursing home.

If Nana goes to a nursing home, the house will need to be sold to pay for her care. Nana will need the equity in the house to get into a nice facility. If you spend all the equity on in-home care, most facilities won’t accept Nana as a Medicaid patient. She will end up going to a state facility, and I really wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

So, please be clear, are you asking for the family to start looking into selling the house and moving Nana to a nursing home?

My mom found my cousin’s email upsetting. I think in part my mom wanted some sympathy and support and was a bit shocked to get hit with such a dramatic solution. Many emails followed about money and the realities of the US health care system.

Finally there was some shared understanding.

November 3, 2007
D, even if I were young and healthy, I could not supervise Nana for twenty hours a day any more. Since Dr. L said that Nana should not be alone, and since you say there is no money to provide additional home care, then I guess that the house needs to be sold so that Nana could go to a nursing home. Is this a decision that the family should make? Or is A the one to make the decision because she controls the finances?

My cousin replied:
I think that you and K and my mother need to have that discussion. I don’t think it’s a decision that any one person can make.
I think if Nana is a danger to herself (or the house) when left alone, you should have that discussion as soon as possible.
I can set up a conference call if you all can’t be in the same location. Please let me know if I can help.

November 5, 2007
Last night A was here for about an hour to fix dinner for Nana. She does not think that Nana needs supervision 24/7. She seemed unconcerned about Dr. L warning that Nana should not be left alone.

November 16, 2007
A2 told me tonight that she thought that Nana had a good week. She felt that she enjoyed getting her hair and nails done today. Tonight Nana showed me her fingernails and said that she chose brown polish today. I told her that brown polish looked nice.

I was resting in my room tonight when R came to visit. I did not see him but I heard his voice. He had Piper (his dog) with him and I heard Fluffy barking. After R left, I went into the living room to talk with Nana. She did not remember the visit from R and Piper. Then she said that she used to have a brother named R. When I told her that her brother's name was B, she did not remember him at all. So one minute she seems fine, and the next minute she is very confused.

November 22, 2007
A took Nana and me to D’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. Everything was delicious, and the company was the greatest. A3 and E drove down from Boston to join the family. D2’s new puppy Rosie made the rounds with a greeting for everyone. Then she slept peacefully during dinner. D2 seemed happy to have E to play with before dinner. E was very tolerant of a little boy so much younger than he was.

Yesterday we had a surprise visitor. Barney's son S came to spend the afternoon. He brought Nana a huge bouquet of beautiful flowers. Unfortunately Nana did not remember him. But then today at D’s house, Nana kept asking me who I was. On the way home in the car, she kept saying that she did not see me at D’s house. Nana seemed to have a nice time there anyway. She went to sleep as soon as we got home.

November 26, 2007
M told me yesterday that Nana talked about our Thanksgiving dinner. She said that it was at D’s house, and that A drove her there. So sometimes she does remember things.

Tonight when I returned to the living room, I discovered that the green waste basket that is usually next to my chair, has disappeared. I do not know what Nana has done with it or why. Maybe I will find it tomorrow. Life here is always full of surprises.

October 2007

My Nana is getting progressively worse. Her need for full time supervision is growing. My mom is finding it more difficult to be the only person responsible for spending 20 of 24 hours watching over Nana. I do not know how she has done it this long. It seems that my Nana no longer needs to sleep. She wanders and creatively rearranges furniture in the night. She sneaks her own food to the dog, Fluffy, who is becoming so fat she can no longer easily go up and down the stairs to leave the house. It would be funny if it were not so sad. And yet, even with all this, there are moments of relative lucidity. A moment when she remembers having had great skill at the piano; skills that are now sadly lost.

Next month's post may be heartbreaking to assemble. The Doctor's Halloween warning that my Nana needs 24/7 care may force my family to have difficult conversations and perhaps to make some hard decisions. Already the emails are flying back and forth. More in the last few days than in most months up to now.

October 1, 2007
Today Nana had a quiet day. But she keeps giving poor Fluffy her cookies.

October 11, 2007
Last Friday after Nana had her hair done, A2 took her out to dinner for Chinese food. A2 said that she was very happy at dinner time. When they came home, Nana went right to bed. Two hours later she came into the living room and asked me when some one would come to fix her dinner. When I told her that A2 already took her out for Chinese food, she did not remember.

Each day Nana goes out on the porch several times to get the mail. Even once she has given it to me, she continues to go outside to look for the mail.

Nana does not seem to notice whether it is daytime or night time outside. She often says good morning to me even if it is dark outside. Tonight she went to bed early. Then she came into the living room to ask me what she should do next. She often asks me what she should be doing. Sometimes it is difficult to find an answer. I used to suggest that she go to play the piano. Yesterday she began to tell me that she does not like to play the piano anymore because she knows that she can't play it the way she once did. I feel sad about that. Before she did not seem to remember that she once played the piano very well.

October 15, 2007
This morning M turned our heat on for the first time this fall. It has been so humid in the house that it was very difficult to open the basement door. Last weekend it was 89 degrees. This weekend it was forty. This morning the house was 65 degrees. It is much more comfortable at 70 degrees.

Whenever Nana hears me in the kitchen or the bathroom, she comes to ask me what I am doing. She is also moving furniture around again. She moved the chair where I sit when I first come into the house. Getting into the house takes a lot of energy for me. Once I am inside, I really need to rest for a few minutes. Then last night I could not get back to my room from the living room because she had left her walker between the dining room table and the big organ speakers. It took me a while to find a place to move the walker out of the way so that I could get back to my room. I was very thankful to finally reach my bed so that I could rest.

October 20, 2007
Tonight for the very first time, Nana became very angry with A2, Nana demanded her dinner. A2 told her that she had already eaten her dinner. Nana did not believe her. Nana often forgets that she has eaten shortly after a meal. Tonight Nana could not be convinced. So A2 asked me if she could give her another dinner. In the interest of peace, I agreed. After her second dinner, Nana asked for more coffee and cookies. That was her third cup of coffee. She will probably up all night again.

For several nights in a row, Nana has been up all night. She comes into my room every hour to ask me what time it is. This morning at 5:00 AM I found the kitchen door wide open again. On Thursday night, Nana created a situation in her mind that required her to solve a problem. There was no problem. She just thought that there was. Then she decided that she could not solve the problem, so I must solve her problem right now. I told her that I would talk with her about it tomorrow. She totally ignored me and began again to tell me what the problem was and why I needed to solve it RIGHT NOW! Again I told her tomorrow. Again she told me to fix it RIGHT NOW! More and more, Nana wears me out. When M comes in the morning, I go to sleep. At least I can get two hours of sleep then.

October 26, 2007
Fluffy has spent the past two nights out doors. She is so fat that she can't get up the steps to get back in the house. The first night it was very warm outside. And even though it rained, she must have found the dog house because she was dry when M went outside to bring her into the house. Last night she was outside again, but she found a way to get inside around seven AM. She was all wet when she came in this time. Nana dried her off with a few kitchen towels and then she began using flannel sheets and trying the give them to me as mine after they were wet. Fluffy ate her dog food in the morning as usual. But she has refused to go outside since she came in this morning. She is having a lot of trouble walking. She is much too heavy. It hurts her to walk. Nana keeps feeding her cookies. M, A2, and I have tried to stop Nana from giving her cookies, but Nana is very sneaky about it. She pretends to eat a piece of cookie, and then she puts it down on the floor for Fluffy. If we catch her at it, she denies EVER feeding Fluffy a cookie. All day today she accused me of poisoning Fluffy. If something is wrong with Fluffy, it must be my fault because I hate all animals. So Nana decided that I could not live her any more. I called A to see if she could take Fluffy to the vet this evening, but she did not want to do it. I am not sure what to do it Nana persists in her determination to get me out of her house. She was really angry about it this afternoon. I was glad to be able to leave the house to go to S’s house for a while. When I came home, M had been able to calm Nana down, But she had not been able to get Fluffy to go outside. Perhaps Fluffy will feel better tomorrow.

October 31, 2007
Dr. L saw Nana yesterday. At the last minute the doctor's office changed the time of the appointment from 4:30 until 8:00 AM. A took Nana to the office. M met A and Nana there. She stayed with Nana so that A could go to work. M was a good person to speak with the doctor because she is with Nana each day. Dr. L said that Nana is fine. He said that her heart is very strong. He said that she should come back to the office in six months. Today the office called to say that Nana's blood test was fine. They are sending a copy of the blood test results to Dr. G. M told me this morning that Dr. L said that Nana should not be left alone. I only leave Nana alone when I go for therapy or to see a doctor myself. I try to make my appointments to co-inside with the times that A2 is here, but it is not always possible. Most days I am with Nana twenty hours a day. She often wanders around all night. I am not sure how much longer the present arrangement will work.

September 2007

The signs are getting stronger that Nana will need full time care and supervision soon. It is difficult to understand dementia. The people dealing with it keep trying to find the logic behind the words or actions when there simply is none. I was struck, as I was putting these posts today, at how similar the content of my mother's emails is to some blogs I read written by new mothers. The focus is on eating, grooming, and sleep. I was struck also by how lucky we are to have these wonderful women A2 and M who come and care for my Nana each day. While the grandchildren (like me) of my Nana have scattered across the country, many of her friends and the friends of her children have remained close. Some of these friends of the family (e.g. J) who will come to help keep the house going. I do not know how my family would cope without this community.

September 1, 2007
Nana and I both slept well for two nights. Tuesday night no one slept. Late that night Nana was obsessed with finding her mother. Nothing I said would convince her to go to bed. She kept wandering around the house. Around four AM I heard her upstairs. When M came in the morning, I asked her to check on lights upstairs. It was dark when Nana went up there, so she must have turned on some lights. M found lights on in every room. She also found the ceiling fan running. In each room she found some of Nana’s clothes on the floor. I do no know what Nana was really doing upstairs, but I am thankful that she made it up and down again safely.
Tonight I made some soup. After I ate, I put the pan in the sink to wash. I left the kitchen for a few minutes. When I came back, the pan was gone. I finally found it on the floor in the living room. Nana does not know why she put it there.

M will be away for the three day weekend. She will be back on Tuesday. A2 is due back on Tuesday night. I miss them both when they are not here.

September 5, 2007
A2 is back from vacation. M was wonderful while she was gone, but taking care of Nana plus the house is just too much for one person. It was great that both of them were here today.

The bad news is that Hurricane Felix hit Nicaragua head on. A2 and M are both from Nicaragua. One of A2’s daughters is there now visiting her grandfather. A2 hopes to contact her daughter tonight.

Nana was glad to see A2 tonight. Nana asked her for food as soon as she arrived, even though she came early. But Nana is well fed every day. In fact some of her long pants are too small for her now. But she feels fine. She just can’t remember things.

September 6, 2007
Last night Nana and I stayed up all night. Nana was agitated about one thing after another. Finally at 5:30 AM I thought that she had finally decided to go to bed. Fifteen minutes later I gave up and let myself fall asleep. When I awoke at 9:30 AM, the door to the kitchen was open, so obviously Nana had not stayed in bed. When M came in at 10:00, she could not find Nana. She looked upstairs because she had found her there in the past. She was not upstairs. Poor Fluffy was locked in her cage. Nana had even put a chair in front of the door so that she could not get out. M checked the basement because the door was open. Nana was not there either. So I asked her to look outside. She did not come back for a very long time. I was really getting worried when I heard M’s voice. She had found Nana in the back yard lying on the ground by J’s camper. M managed to get her up and on to the porch. Nana sat on the bench while M went to get the walker. Nana did not seem to have any visible injuries. She complained that her back hurt. M noticed later that Nana had one ankle that was a bit swollen. After breakfast, M helped Nana get back to bed. She slept most of the day. When M came back to fix Nana’s dinner, Nana did not eat much. Then she went back to sleep again.

After Nana was found this morning, I called A to let her know what happened. There are no easy answers about what to do next. But I fear that since Nana has left the house once, she may do it again. Thank goodness she went into the back yard. L Avenue is very busy most of the day.

September 8, 2007
Nana slept all day yesterday. Then she slept all night. I stayed awake all night to make sure that she did not go outside again. This morning when M came, Nana said that she was fine. M gave her a shower. Then Nana ate a good breakfast. She slept again until A2 came to take her to the hair dresser. When she came home, she ate a good dinner and then went to sleep again. Tonight I hope to catch up on some sleep. A is going to look for some kind of alarm for the kitchen door. We agree that it would not be safe to lock all the doors in case of an emergency.

September 13, 2007
M comes from 8:00 to 10:00 AM now. Yesterday when she arrived she told me that the kitchen door was open, but Nana was in the house. I was still awake at 4:30 AM and the kitchen door was closed and locked then. So Nana must have gotten up after that. That evening I went out for therapy while A2 was here. When I came home, she told me that Nana did not eat dinner. She kept saying that she wanted to sleep. She usually wants to eat all the time. But the next morning she was fine. M said that she ate breakfast as usual. Wednesday night when I got home, A2 told me that Nana had a lot of energy that evening. She ate her dinner and then decided that she wanted a shower. Usually it takes a while for M to talk her into taking a shower.

A2 also put all clean sheets and blankets on Nana’s bed. Then she did three loads of laundry. The third load was a heavy blanket. She told me that the washing machine would not work. I thought that she had just blown a fuse again. But then I heard the dryer going. So I feared that my old Maytag had finally failed. I told A2 that I would look at it after I had a chance to rest. I am always exhausted when I first come home. Later I was able to get the old machine started again. The blanket had become unbalanced. Thank goodness I was able to get the machine going again. I brought that Maytag up from West Virginia in 1971. It has NEVER needed service. If it ever does give up the ghost, the whole laundry will have to come apart to get the machine out.

September 15, 2007
This morning when I awoke at 7:30 AM, the kitchen door was wide open. Several of my things had been moved or taken apart. So Nana must have had a busy night. I was still awake until 4:00 AM, so it must have been after that time. Maybe M is right. She said this morning that Nana really needed someone to watch her all the time. So far we have been lucky that Nana has not gone into the street. A said that she would try to find an alarm for the kitchen door. But at least we have cooler weather now. Maybe the change of seasons will help.

September 16, 2007
The kitchen door was closed today when I awoke. It is the first time in a long time that it was closed in the morning. Nana has slept most of the day. A2 tried to get her to play the piano, but she did not want to get up. She just wanted to sleep. But A2 did say that she ate her dinner. I tried to get her interested in the television this afternoon and again tonight. One PBS station is fund raising, so they have lots of music programs available. But Nana just went back to sleep again. I hope that does not mean that she will wander around during the wee hours of the night. I am hoping to get to church tomorrow. I have not been able to go because of the heat for most of the summer. But tonight it is really cool. I was even able to turn both air conditioners off this evening. It certainly is quiet all of a sudden.

September 20, 2007
Yesterday Nana had a good day. When A2 arrived to cook Nana's dinner, Nana insisted that they go out for dinner instead. So A2 took her out. When they arrived home several hours later, A2 told me that she took Nana to the Queen City Diner. Nana ate a hamburger and some iced tea. Then A2 took her to a park where they sat on a bench to watch the river and the sunset. After A2 went home, Nana was a bit restless and wandered around a while. Today Nana was very confused. But she did eat her dinner when A2 came. Since then she has slept most of the time.

September 23, 2007
Nana spent several hours this afternoon trying to find her walker. I did not know where she put it. She finally found it after A2 came tonight to fix her dinner.

A2 did not know where it was either. After dinner, A2 spent some time on the porch fixing the plants. Nana went out there with her. She seemed very interested in what A2 was doing.

Once while Nana was still looking for her walker, she came into the living room with four sacred music booklets and her reading glasses. She told me that it was her lunch. When I told her that it was music instead, she left the room and came back wearing her night gown instead of her clothes. So today was a very mixed day.

September 27, 2007
The lights went out on the TV, the fish tanks, the porch light, and the outside lights. J has been here two hours and he can't find the fuse causing the problem.

I also asked J if he knew why S has not been here for six weeks. He said that he did not know.

Nana has been confused and agitated today. I do not know why.

J just came up to tell me that he can't find the problem. I asked if he could rig up an extension cord so that we could at least watch TV tonight, and we could keep the fish alive.

September 29, 2007
A found an electrician to get our lights back on Thursday. He will also work on a plan to switch us to circuit breakers. A also suggested that the new board be put upstairs so that no one needs to go into the basement to flip a switch. In case of more basement flooding, having the board upstairs makes sense.

I have not seen Nana this evening. A lady from my church took me for a regular visit to Medemerge to get my medication for thyroid. It was my first experience with a Physician's Assistant. The young man I saw was knowledgeable and helpful. He even gave me some samples of Provigil. The last time I had to pay for it myself, it cost me $450.00 for a month's supply. So I was thrilled to receive some samples. It was not until I looked at my new Rx's, that I realized that the man I saw was not a doctor, but a PA. For a regular, non urgent visit, a PA makes sense. After I got home, I slept for six hours. But Nana was fine this morning. She got her hair done this afternoon. And A2 fixed her dinner tonight.

Wandering

I mentioned in the August summary that one sign that my dad's mom needed more care than she could get at home was her unpredictable wandering.

My Nana has begun to wander. This does not bode well for the status quo. I believe that hard decisions are coming to my family sooner than everyone would like.

On a positive note, I see from this email that I come by my night-owl tendencies honestly.

September 6, 2007
Last night Nana and I stayed up all night. Nana was agitated about one thing after another. Finally at 5:30 AM I thought that she had finally decided to go to bed. Fifteen minutes later I gave up and let myself fall asleep.

When I awoke at 9:30 AM, the door to the kitchen was open, so obviously Nana had not stayed in bed. When M came in at 10:00, she could not find Nana. She looked upstairs because she had found her there in the past. She was not upstairs. Poor Fluffy was locked in her cage. Nana had even put a chair in front of the door so that she could not get out.

M checked the basement because the door was open. Nana was not there either. So I asked her to look outside. She did not come back for a very long time. I was really getting worried when I heard M's voice. She had found Nana in the back yard lying on the ground by J's camper. M managed to get her up and on to the porch. Nana sat on the bench while M went to get the walker. Nana did not seem to have any visible injuries. She complained that her back hurt. M noticed later that Nana had one ankle that was a bit swollen. After breakfast, M helped Nana get back to bed. She slept most of the day. When M came back to fix Nana’s dinner, Nana did not eat much. Then she went back to sleep again.

After Nana was found this morning, I called A to let her know what happened. There are no easy answers about what to do next. But I fear that since Nana has left the house once, she may do it again. Thank goodness she went into the back yard. L*** Avenue is very busy most of the day.

August 2007

My mom is beginning to realize that Nana cannot interpret or process rationale thoughts, that there is no advantage to forcing "truth" on her when her brain can no longer interpret the difference. It is so slow this cognitive decline and yet inexorable. From the outside it looks like the time may be soon when my Nana will need 24/7 care and monitoring. My mom, who has difficulty walking, may not be sufficient to keep them both safe. Since she lives it every day I think it must be very hard to see the changes. There are good days and bad but slowly this disease is eroding the woman my Nana was. The wonderful women who help care for my Nana have been traveling which seems to have exacerbated some of the problems.

I am waiting for the event that triggers a more dramatic intervention by our family. With my dad's mom, that event was my Nannie's visit to a stream where she had met with a childhood boyfriend. In her mind, she was still a young lady going on an outing. The path to the stream was treacherous and she fell and broke her arm. However, she kept trying to convince her daughters that everything was just fine. It wasn't. I don't think we are quite here with my Nana but it feels close.

August 8, 2007
Nana’s friend R is staying with us for a few days. She belonged to Nana’s choir at the Dunellen church. This week R sold her house in Dunellen. She needed to have all her belongings out of the house yesterday. It was a much bigger project than she expected. She finally got to our house at 1:30 this morning. She was really exhausted. She needs a day or two to rest up before she drives back to her home in North Carolina. Nana seems happy to have R here. When R finally sat down in a chair in the living room this morning, Nana said “Now the house is calm.” I am not sure what Nana meant by her statement, but she seemed pleased with the situation.

Note: my Nana is one of those women who was comfortable with the idea of auras, premonitions, astrology and palm reading. I suspect that both my mom and my Nana were comforted having someone capable like R in the house and that truly the house was calmer. It is so like my Nana to say so.

August 11, 2007
Nana’s friend R left Friday morning to drive back home to North Carolina. She called tonight to let us know that she had reached Virginia. She will drive the rest of the way home tomorrow. I think that Nana was happy to have her old friend stay here for a few days. R found that closing her house up to sell was a lot more work than she expected. She was really frazzled the first night that she was here. By last night she was relaxed and ready to start on her journey home.

A2 brought her friend M2 here to meet Nana tonight. She will come to fix Nana’s dinner each night next week while A2 is away. M is also going on vacation next week. But she will only be away one week. When she comes home, she will come twice a day for the next two weeks that A2 is away.

August 19, 2007
Nana has been more confused lately than she was before. She often talks with people who are not there. But Nana is sure that she has visitors several times a day. Today she asked me who fixed this house to look just like her other house. Usually she understands that this house belongs to her. But today she did not seem to make the connection. Maybe tomorrow will be better since she had a lot of sleep today.

August 21, 2007
Nana is not having a good day today. At 5:30 AM she awoke me to say that one of her dogs was lost. I told her that she had just one dog. She seemed angry about that, but she left. Then she came in to complain that there was a gang in her room. I told her that she probably just had a bad dream. In the afternoon Nana told M that she fell while trying to get out of her chair. The chair fell on top of her. She said that she was not hurt. That has happened before when she forgets to use the handle to put the foot rest down before she tries to get up. M has been able to convince Nana that she should be using her walker again. Evidently she was having trouble walking this morning. She told me this morning that her hips hurt when she walked. Also while M was here this evening, Nana refused to speak with R when he called. Normally she races for the phone when it ring just in case it is R calling. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Aug 25, 2007
Nana went to have her hair done as usual today. Then A brought her home. Then M came back for the third time to fix Nana’s dinner. Nana’s hair looked nice and she was happy about the color of her fingernails. M and I told her that she would look nice for A's birthday party. Then about two hours after M left, Nana came into my room and demanded that I go and get her car and bring it home. When I told her that she did not have a car now, she became furious and said that I was mean and nasty. She became so obsessed and so angry that I finally just said that I could not get her car because I did not have the keys and that I could not walk that far. She persisted with the same demands for two hours. Then she decided that I should move out because she did not like me.

Now she can’t find Fluffy. From some of the things she has said, she may have closed the back door so that Fluffy can’t come in. But since it is 80 degrees outside, and I am exhausted from all of Nana’s demands, I think that I will wait until I have had some sleep before I look for Fluffy. I hope that after Nana has some sleep, she will be calm again.

August 29, 2007
Nana seemed fine most of the day. She ate a good breakfast and a good dinner when M came. Then at about 8:30 tonight, she came to ask me when someone was coming to take her home. I told her that she was already home. She left me and came back a few minutes later with the same question. Later I went into the living room. She thanked me for coming upstairs with her. I did not even try to argue with her again. Since then, about every ten minutes, she has come over to ask me if I will stay with her. I have just answered yes. Maybe I should not try to tell her the truth any more. She seems happy if I just agree with her. If I try to tell her the truth, she gets very upset. Maybe keeping her happy is more important.

August 30, 2007
By this morning, I had pretty much decided to agree with Nana whatever she says. She seems happier that way. When I spoke to M this morning, she has decided to do the same thing. Nana’s situation seems to change from day to day. We will see how this approach works.

August 31, 2007
Nana and I both slept well for two nights. Tuesday night no one slept. Late that night Nana was obsessed with finding her mother. Nothing I said would convince her to go to bed. She kept wandering around the house. Around four AM I heard her upstairs. When M came in the morning, I asked her to check on lights upstairs. It was dark when Nana went up there, so she must have turned on some lights. M found lights on in every room. She also found the ceiling fan running. In each room she found some of Nana’s clothes on the floor. I do no know what Nana was really doing upstairs, but I am thankful that she made it up and down again safely.

Tonight I made some soup. After I ate, I put the pan in the sink to wash. I left the kitchen for a few minutes. When I came back, the pan was gone. I finally found it on the floor in the living room. Nana does not know why she put it there.

M will be away for the three day weekend. She will be back on Tuesday. A2 is due back on Tuesday night. I miss them both when they are not here.

July 2007

My Nana continues her slow decline. There are days of lucidity interspersed with days where her knowledge of common things continues to deteriorate. I am so grateful for my mother's frequent updates and yet this process is so sad. Because my mom lives with Nana, she sees the ups and downs more intimately. You can hear (read) my mom's frustration that the other family members are less aware that my Nana will soon need, or already does need, round the clock supervision. These are difficult topics for families to discuss. It is selfish but I am relieved to live 1776 miles away.

July 4
M told us on Friday that she will no longer be able to come on weekends after Saturday. A came on Sunday and brought Nana a cruller and coffee from Dunkin Donuts. I was not here because I went to church for the first time in a long time. Nana told me later that A had come and spent some time talking with her. Time spent with her is more important to Nana than food right now. She can always find a banana or some yogurt if she is hungry.

Nana is sleeping a lot this week. She did not awaken me last night. But she must have been up some time during the night because the kitchen door was unlocked this morning. Thank goodness I do not have to worry about the living room door being open anymore. Nana complained at first when I locked that door and removed the key. But she seems to have accepted that it is necessary now. When I was a little girl, the house was never locked. No one needed to lock doors in the old days. But the world has changed, and so has this neighborhood. Our neighbors in the ranch house next door moved out in the middle of the night a couple of months ago. Even though there is a real estate sign in front of the house, no one has cut the grass, even in the front yard, all summer.

I put the fireworks on TV for Nana tonight. She used to really like watching the Fourth of July programs. But tonight she slept through most of it. I do not blame her. The music was not even very good.

July 13
A tried to take Nana out for dinner tonight after Nana went to the hair dresser. When they got to the restaurant, Nana said that she did not feel well. Once they got back in the car to come home, Nana began vomiting. She said that she was carsick. When they finally got home, Nana refused to get out of the car. She said that she was still sick. Finally A got her into the house, but only as far as the studio chair. I urged A to try to get her into bed where she would be more comfortable and also closer to the bathroom. Nana finally moved to the couch and refused to move any more. So A went home and Nana slept. At 11:00 I found that she had finally moved to her bed. Fluffy was asleep on the floor right next to the bed. Nana is asleep now so I hope that her car sickness is over.

July 14
Nana slept well last night. When A arrived today to fix her breakfast, Nana said that she was all better. She ate eggs and toast and coffee. She has been up and around all day. She also played the piano for a long time. She has not done that in weeks. Tonight when A2 came, she ate a good dinner too. We are all glad that she is feeling better.

July 17
On Monday Nana asked A2 to stay to talk with her while she ate dinner. A2 told me later that Nana’s conversation was logical and that ideas seemed to be clear in her mind.

For the past twelve years I have been going twice a week for therapy. Nana often plays the piano or the organ while I am gone. Sometimes she just sleeps. Today when I got home, she told me that she was upset about being in the house alone. She said that she did not know where I was, even though I told her as I was leaving that I was going out for therapy and that I would be back soon. Today was the first time that she expressed any concern about being alone in the house. Tonight she kept telling me that other people were in the house watching TV in her studio. There is no TV in her studio.

July 26
A2 said that Nana ate a good dinner tonight. Then she went to bed early.

Nana has been having trouble walking. Her sense of balance is not good. She is still refusing to use her walker. She did go out on the porch to get the mail. Then she could not decide what to do with it, so she left it in the kitchen.

July 30
It has been really hot and humid here. Yesterday I pinned my hair up to try to keep cooler. Nana noticed and said that my hair looked nice. So she can see more than she admits to seeing.

We had a thunder storms today where we had thunder for about 90 minutes before we ever saw rain. The thunder was very loud. Fluffy couldn’t find a place to hide where she felt safe. She finally hid next to my bed under a pillow that had fallen on a floor. It is quiet now and she is sleeping peacefully.

When A fixed breakfast for Nana yesterday, she told her that she would be back later to take her out for dinner. When I saw Nana an hour later, she had traded her clothes for a night gown. I had trouble convincing her to get dressed again. But she finally got dressed again and she had a nice time out with A. Nana really needs someone with her all that time. Twice when I have gone out for therapy lately, she has been upset about being alone when I came home.

June 2007

I think my Nana is getting worse. The June 28 email made me laugh. She answered a cup of coffee. I could see my Nana doing this in my mind but it is very sad at the same time.

You may have noticed that my Nana gets her hair done pretty frequently. She's always done this. These days most of us wash our hair every day sometimes twice depending on our activities. My Nana is from a time where a lady had her hair done at the beauty parlor and spent the week keeping the hairdo tidy. I remember her sleeping in a cap and rollers. I cannot imagine but I suspect the sameness of this ritual brings her comfort.

June 2
After several weeks of finding the living room door wide open each morning, I finally locked the door and removed the key. Talking to Nana about the importance of keeping the door closed, especially at night, did not help at all. Both M and A2 do have keys in case of an emergency. It won’t stop Nana from going out the kitchen door, but my chances of hearing the door opening are better in the kitchen.

June 4
Last night I couldn’t find the scissors that I have kept in the bathroom for years. I kept them in the top drawer of the plastic dresser underneath a towel. This morning I asked M to keep an eye out for the scissors. She found them right away in Nana’s room. I have no idea what Nana planned to do with the scissors. But I am a bit concerned that she was going through my drawer. I have put the scissors away in a more secure place. I plan to put away some other scissors that I have in my bedroom. I wonder if I should put away the knives in the kitchen. Each day brings new questions.

June 8
A took Nana out for dinner tonight. Nana said that she had a good time, but she was very tired when she got home. She must also have done more walking than usual because she said that her legs ached. After a short nap she felt fine again.

Tuesday night Nana’s friend R2 called to ask if she could come to visit. Nana knew who she was as soon as they spoke on the phone. R2 came a short time later, and Nana was glad to see her. They had a nice visit. So Nana has had two very good days this week.

June 9
Last night when I told you that Nana had a good day, I spoke too soon. She stayed up all night. At 4:30 AM she came into my room and asked me where BS was. BS was my best friend when I was growing up. She often stayed here over night. But she has lived in Kentucky for thirty years.

On the good news side, A2 took Nana to get her hair done today and also out for dinner. Nana was so happy that A2 took her to visit her daughter L. I have not met L, but Nana really liked her. She was very happy when she came home tonight.

June 13
Today Nana has been more confused than ever before. First she told me that she had taken Fluffy for a ride in her car. Then she told me that she had taken her two cats to her house at the shore and left them there. Then she asked me where Cliff (Pop, her deceased husband) was. I told her that he had been gone a long time. She said that he just came home from work. Then she tried to go upstairs to find him. It is nearly two AM and she is still wandering around telling me things that do not make any sense. I have tried to get her to go to sleep. But so far I have not been successful.

June 17
A few nights ago, Nana’s front tooth fell out. It is a post and crown that has been glued back on several times. The last time, the dentist said that when it fell out the next time, it would need to be replaced. A took Nana yesterday to have the old post removed. On Tuesday Nana will see the dentist for the next step in the process. M and A2 are preparing food that will not irritate the gum. Nana does not seem to be in any distress about the problem. She went to get her hair done yesterday and then went out for dinner with A2.

June 20
Tonight Nana was very confused. But she did eat a good dinner. She can still walk well. She is not in pain. Usually in the morning she is less confused than she is in the evening.

June 28
Nana has been very confused lately. Neither one of us has been getting much sleep. Nana has been wandering around asking me questions until 6:00 AM, 4:00 AM, 3:00 AM, and last night 4:00 AM. I think that she is more confused when she does not sleep. But I do not know how to make her go to sleep. Tonight when the phone rang, she picked up her coffee cup and said hello. I was not able to get to the phone in time to answer it for her.

We are having a heat wave. Yesterday it was 95 degrees. Today it was closer to 100, and it was humid. Thank goodness the AC is still working.

May 2007

Early in Alzheimer's disease, people are aware that they are losing their memories and this self-knowledge creates anxiety. As they decline and become less aware of what they are lost, the panic associated with this condition begins to subside as you can see in the brief May 3 email.

The May 4 email demonstrates a phenomenon I call the 10 minute loop (it can also be a 5 minute loop or a 30 minute loop) it just depends. To me this is one of the most heart breaking patterns of any cognitive impairment. You think that you are having a normal conversation. The person you are talking with asks questions and interacts with you in a way that has a logical flow. Then suddenly, as if the RESET button has been hit, it starts all over again, often with the exact same question, with the conversation proceeding identically.

The messages from my mom this month are beginning to get quite sad. Family members are strangers. Every day events are surprises. The risk of accidents is increasing and it is almost impossible to prevent them.

May 3, 2007
Nana has had several good days in a row. We have had beautiful spring weather. Everything is blooming. The grass is very green. Nana and I are looking forward to the birthday party at D’s house on Sunday. Nana did ask me late tonight where she was. When I told her that she was in her house, she just said OK. She was not a bit agitated the way she has been in the past.

May 4, 2007
Nana has been very confused today. She did go to get her hair done and then A took her out for dinner. When she came home she told me that she found going out very difficult. She said that she had to keep asking A where she was. After A brought her home, Nana was distressed that A did not stay here. She wanted to know why A did not live here. Then she wanted to know where she did live. Then she wanted to know who she lived with there. Then she asked when A got married. Then she asked if she had children. Then she asked if her children lived with her. Then she asked why her children did not live with her. Then she began to ask the questions all over again. I know that I should be patient. And I really try to be kind. But when it is all over, I am really worn out. I know that the questions are not her fault. But I am still exhausted. Maybe she will sleep well tonight since she had a busy day.

May 8, 2007
On Sunday A took us to D’s house for R’s birthday party. We had a wonderful time. Each time we visit I see more of the beautiful home and yard that D and C have. Sunday we sat out on the porch. It has two sky-lights. And the view of the yard from there is spectacular. After we got home, Nana told me that she did not know anyone at the party, but she had a nice time.

Today Nana was very confused. She kept looking for her mother even though I told her that her mother had been gone a long time. Tonight she kept saying that she had two dogs. She wanted to feed both of them a banana even though I told her that she just had one dog and that he did not eat bananas.

At least we are having beautiful weather. The grass is green and everything else is blooming. People with allergies are having a difficult time this spring. But it is nice to look at out the window.

May 11, 2007
On Tuesday night A2 told me that she thought that Nana was confused. On Wednesday morning, M told me that Nana was very confused. On Wednesday night, A2 told me that Nana was logical. Later that night, Nana kept looking for her mother who has been gone for forty years. On Thursday night Nana kept me up most of the night demanding that I leave my bed to see the lights in her room. Finally at four AM, she became very angry when I refused to get out of bed. At 4:30 and again at 5:00 I had to get up to close the door in the kitchen. When I awoke at 9:00 AM the kitchen door was unlocked, but at least it was not open. When M arrived at 10:00, she found the living room door was wide open. But at least Nana was not out doors. Each day seems to bring a new crisis.

May 16, 2007
Today was a quiet day. Nana spent most of the day in the living room in her favorite chair. She slept on and off. She seems to dream often and then be unable to separate dreams from reality. She often says that she has two dogs. Sometimes she thinks that she has a cat. She does not always remember that this is her house. She talks about the people who put her here. She refuses to use her walker, but she is unsteady when she walks. But she is still eating well. And she is not in pain.

May 17, 2007
Today Nana chose to use her walker. But she fell out of her easy chair. She had put up the foot rest. Then she took a short nap. When she woke up, she decided to go to her room. She forgot to put down the foot rest before she stood up. As she stood, the chair tipped over and she landed on the floor on her hands and knees. She said that she was not hurt. She got up and sat in a wooden chair for a few minutes. Then she went to her room. She came into the living room later when R2 stopped to visit. When M came to fix her dinner, we decided that she should sit at the table rather than use the chair with the foot rest up. She ate her dinner and then went to bed. She came back into the living room at about 10:30 to ask me a question. She seemed to be walking OK. Hopefully she will remember to put the footrest down next time.

May 19, 2007
Last night R came to visit Nana. Because I was in the living room, I got a hug too. But R spent most of the time just talking to Nana. Two hours later, Nana accused me of stealing her husband. I assumed that she was talking about Pop. So I explained that Pop was my father and that she was my mother. And I definitely was not trying to steal her husband. R came back today. I spent the whole time in my room. Nana is very possessive about her visitors. Tonight when she was talking about R, she referred to him as her boyfriend. I reminded her that he was her grandson. Now I am wondering if last night accusations were not about Pop, but were about R. Either way it is a sad situation.

May 21, 2007
This afternoon Mr. P called to offer to take Nana to musical club tonight. I thanked him for making the offer, but told him that Nana was very ill last summer and that she often does not know where she is now. Mr. & Mrs. P took Nana to musical club several times during the past two years. But lately she has felt frightened even when she went to get her hair done. Today she has been sleeping most of the day. I do not think that she would do well in a house full of strangers.

May 22, 2007
For years, each time the mailman delivers mail to our house, Fluffy barks furiously. That is often the signal for Nana to go out and get the mail. Yesterday when Fluffy barked, Nana asked me what was wrong with the dog. I told her that the mailman had come. She did not know what I was talking about. She did not know who a mailman was. The same thing happened today.

On the good news side, when I came home from therapy today, I could hear Nana playing the piano. When I got inside, she told me that she had turned on the big organ in the living room and could not figure out how to turn it off. After she went to bed tonight, I found the switch with a flashlight and turned it off. But at least she was playing the organ and the piano.

May 25, 2007
Nana had a good day today. She got her hair done and A took her out for dinner. A said that they had a nice time.

Fluffy did not have a good day. M said this morning that Fluffy had diarrhea and had an accident in the living room. She could not get outdoors fast enough. Last night Nana finished off two pints of coffee ice cream. I am afraid that she gave half of it to poor Fluffy. Fluffy seems better tonight.

May 30, 2007
This past week I have not been getting much sleep. Nana has been wandering around until three or four in the morning. She keeps opening the front door in the living room and leaving it open. One night I stayed up and kept closing and locking the door. I did it three times before I finally fell asleep at four in the morning. When M came in the morning, she told me that the front door was open again. Maybe we will need to remove the key the way R did in the studio and hang the key on fishing line out of sight for emergencies.

Nana is still up now. It is one-thirty AM. I just sent her to play the piano. She sleeps quite often during the day. Maybe that is one reason that she wanders at night.