October 2007

My Nana is getting progressively worse. Her need for full time supervision is growing. My mom is finding it more difficult to be the only person responsible for spending 20 of 24 hours watching over Nana. I do not know how she has done it this long. It seems that my Nana no longer needs to sleep. She wanders and creatively rearranges furniture in the night. She sneaks her own food to the dog, Fluffy, who is becoming so fat she can no longer easily go up and down the stairs to leave the house. It would be funny if it were not so sad. And yet, even with all this, there are moments of relative lucidity. A moment when she remembers having had great skill at the piano; skills that are now sadly lost.

Next month's post may be heartbreaking to assemble. The Doctor's Halloween warning that my Nana needs 24/7 care may force my family to have difficult conversations and perhaps to make some hard decisions. Already the emails are flying back and forth. More in the last few days than in most months up to now.

October 1, 2007
Today Nana had a quiet day. But she keeps giving poor Fluffy her cookies.

October 11, 2007
Last Friday after Nana had her hair done, A2 took her out to dinner for Chinese food. A2 said that she was very happy at dinner time. When they came home, Nana went right to bed. Two hours later she came into the living room and asked me when some one would come to fix her dinner. When I told her that A2 already took her out for Chinese food, she did not remember.

Each day Nana goes out on the porch several times to get the mail. Even once she has given it to me, she continues to go outside to look for the mail.

Nana does not seem to notice whether it is daytime or night time outside. She often says good morning to me even if it is dark outside. Tonight she went to bed early. Then she came into the living room to ask me what she should do next. She often asks me what she should be doing. Sometimes it is difficult to find an answer. I used to suggest that she go to play the piano. Yesterday she began to tell me that she does not like to play the piano anymore because she knows that she can't play it the way she once did. I feel sad about that. Before she did not seem to remember that she once played the piano very well.

October 15, 2007
This morning M turned our heat on for the first time this fall. It has been so humid in the house that it was very difficult to open the basement door. Last weekend it was 89 degrees. This weekend it was forty. This morning the house was 65 degrees. It is much more comfortable at 70 degrees.

Whenever Nana hears me in the kitchen or the bathroom, she comes to ask me what I am doing. She is also moving furniture around again. She moved the chair where I sit when I first come into the house. Getting into the house takes a lot of energy for me. Once I am inside, I really need to rest for a few minutes. Then last night I could not get back to my room from the living room because she had left her walker between the dining room table and the big organ speakers. It took me a while to find a place to move the walker out of the way so that I could get back to my room. I was very thankful to finally reach my bed so that I could rest.

October 20, 2007
Tonight for the very first time, Nana became very angry with A2, Nana demanded her dinner. A2 told her that she had already eaten her dinner. Nana did not believe her. Nana often forgets that she has eaten shortly after a meal. Tonight Nana could not be convinced. So A2 asked me if she could give her another dinner. In the interest of peace, I agreed. After her second dinner, Nana asked for more coffee and cookies. That was her third cup of coffee. She will probably up all night again.

For several nights in a row, Nana has been up all night. She comes into my room every hour to ask me what time it is. This morning at 5:00 AM I found the kitchen door wide open again. On Thursday night, Nana created a situation in her mind that required her to solve a problem. There was no problem. She just thought that there was. Then she decided that she could not solve the problem, so I must solve her problem right now. I told her that I would talk with her about it tomorrow. She totally ignored me and began again to tell me what the problem was and why I needed to solve it RIGHT NOW! Again I told her tomorrow. Again she told me to fix it RIGHT NOW! More and more, Nana wears me out. When M comes in the morning, I go to sleep. At least I can get two hours of sleep then.

October 26, 2007
Fluffy has spent the past two nights out doors. She is so fat that she can't get up the steps to get back in the house. The first night it was very warm outside. And even though it rained, she must have found the dog house because she was dry when M went outside to bring her into the house. Last night she was outside again, but she found a way to get inside around seven AM. She was all wet when she came in this time. Nana dried her off with a few kitchen towels and then she began using flannel sheets and trying the give them to me as mine after they were wet. Fluffy ate her dog food in the morning as usual. But she has refused to go outside since she came in this morning. She is having a lot of trouble walking. She is much too heavy. It hurts her to walk. Nana keeps feeding her cookies. M, A2, and I have tried to stop Nana from giving her cookies, but Nana is very sneaky about it. She pretends to eat a piece of cookie, and then she puts it down on the floor for Fluffy. If we catch her at it, she denies EVER feeding Fluffy a cookie. All day today she accused me of poisoning Fluffy. If something is wrong with Fluffy, it must be my fault because I hate all animals. So Nana decided that I could not live her any more. I called A to see if she could take Fluffy to the vet this evening, but she did not want to do it. I am not sure what to do it Nana persists in her determination to get me out of her house. She was really angry about it this afternoon. I was glad to be able to leave the house to go to S’s house for a while. When I came home, M had been able to calm Nana down, But she had not been able to get Fluffy to go outside. Perhaps Fluffy will feel better tomorrow.

October 31, 2007
Dr. L saw Nana yesterday. At the last minute the doctor's office changed the time of the appointment from 4:30 until 8:00 AM. A took Nana to the office. M met A and Nana there. She stayed with Nana so that A could go to work. M was a good person to speak with the doctor because she is with Nana each day. Dr. L said that Nana is fine. He said that her heart is very strong. He said that she should come back to the office in six months. Today the office called to say that Nana's blood test was fine. They are sending a copy of the blood test results to Dr. G. M told me this morning that Dr. L said that Nana should not be left alone. I only leave Nana alone when I go for therapy or to see a doctor myself. I try to make my appointments to co-inside with the times that A2 is here, but it is not always possible. Most days I am with Nana twenty hours a day. She often wanders around all night. I am not sure how much longer the present arrangement will work.