December was a very challenging month for my mom and Nana. People with dementia act out in unpredictable ways. It is difficult for those living with them to remember to not expect rational behavior. My Nana has begun to hide things. She sneaks. She yells. She looks for people who have long been dead. There is no logical explanation. It is so critical to remember to not take the outbursts personally. Even if one knows this logically, it is difficult to ignore when someone tells you that they do not like you and want you gone from their home. Both my Nana and my mom sound severely sleep deprived which cannot be helping. The conversation about perhaps selling the house to get long term care for Nana has thus far been avoided. I find myself morbidly waiting for the event that will make everyone willing to talk.
December 12, 2007
For the past few days, Nana has slept most of the day. But she was up to play the piano with R last night. And she watched some television with me tonight. Nana really needs to use her walker now. R, M, and I keep reminding her to use it. She admits now that she does need it. Since I tell her that I need to use my walker all the time, she does not seem to be resisting the use of it as she was before. But she does forget to use it sometimes. And sometimes she loses it altogether.
December 16, 2007
Last night Nana and I had some problems. There was an ice storm going on so it was very cold outside. Nana kept opening the kitchen door and going out on the porch. No matter what I said to her, she kept opening the door. I was really getting cold. After more than an hour, I finally put my large walker in front of the kitchen door and sat on it. Nana was very angry that I would not let her keep the door open. Finally at 3:45 AM I thought that she went to bed. So I went to bed too. When M came at 8:00 AM, she told me that Nana had lost her rings. Nana said that she hid then in a pocket. M searched for a long time, but she did not find the rings. When A came tonight, she searched for the rings too, but she could not find them. During dinner, Nana changed her story. She said that she put the rings on a napkin, and then she blew her nose. So A thinks that Nana threw the rings away with a napkin. A took a bag of garbage out of the garbage pail out doors. She said that I should tell M to go through it in the morning, and any other garbage in the house. Nana has decided that she does not care if the rings have been lost or thrown away by mistake. She said that they were not worth much. I do not think that is true. But it would not do any good to argue with Nana. Now Nana is asleep since she did not sleep last night. Each day bring something new.
December 18, 2007
R was here this afternoon. He went upstairs and found Nana's rings in her jewelry box. He also found that Nana had turned all the lights on upstairs. For the time being, I have put the rings away in my room. We have all been in a tizzy for days trying to find the rings. Nana kept changing her story about where she had put them. She had us going through the garbage looking for them. We are really glad that the rings have been found.
December 20, 2007
Last night I was up all night with Nana. At 5:30 AM she came to find me in the bathroom. She said that I needed to take the little girl home. I finally went to sleep at 6:00. I slept through M’s visit to fix Nana's breakfast. Thank goodness M understands that sometimes I just need to sleep. Nana does hide things all the time. This morning I found a plastic bag full of cut vegetables in the silverware drawer. Not knowing how long the bag had been out of the refrigerator, I had to throw it all away.
Last night and tonight A2 has been washing the curtains and windows in the living room. The last time they were washed was when I did it in 1974. Housekeeping has never been of much interest to Nana.
December 21, 2007
Last night Nana and I were up all night. At 5:30 AM she told me that I had to take the little girl home. When I asked her what little girl, she got angry and walked away. Tonight while I was watching TV I fell asleep. Since I was up all night, I should not be surprised. It was 11:00 PM when I awoke. I heard a noise upstairs. Then Nana came down the stairs. I asked her what she was doing upstairs. She said that she did not know. I do not know how long she was up there. She must have gone up after I fell asleep. I told her that we did not go upstairs anymore because we could not walk very well. Then she walked quickly, without her walker, into the next room. She was not a bit hesitant. Obviously I have known that she sometimes went upstairs, but this is the first time that I ever saw her coming down the stairs. R suggested that we put a gate on the stairs when he found her rings upstairs. But she gets really angry whenever she is thwarted. My computer is right next to the stairs. She has already tried to destroy it twice. She has also threatened me several times. I am an easy target because I am here most of the time. It is a difficult situation.
December 23, 2007
The past few days have been difficult. Nana keeps waking me up at night. Last night was the worst. I did not sleep at all. Nana came into my room at 7:30 AM to continue berating me for something. She was still going strong when M came in at 8:00. M tried to get Nana to go into the living room by promising her coffee and breakfast. Nana came back to tell me that I had to move out because I would not co-operate with her. She said that it was her house and she did not like me.
This afternoon I went out for therapy. When I came home Nana had left her walker in the hallway so that I could not get to my room. She was in the living room feeding something to poor Fluffy. When she heard me moving her walker so that I could get to my room, she came in and grabbed the walker and would not let me pass. I can only stay vertical for a short time. I really needed to get to my room so that I could lie down. Nana finally moved when I yelled at her. Asking nicely does not help. But yelling really takes its toll on me. I finally made it to my room. Then I heard Nana in the kitchen. She was banging dishes and pans around. I heard her in the refrigerator. Then I heard her try to turn on the stove. Thank goodness A2 came in then. She finally convinced Nana to go to the living room so that she could cook her dinner. Nana insisted that she wanted eggs. I guess that is what she was trying to cook.
Tonight Nana went upstairs twice. I tried to convince her that we do not go upstairs anymore. She just ignored me. When she came down the second time, she was looking for Pop. She accused me of lying to her when I told her that Pop was not here. I stayed in the living room, but I could hear Nana slamming doors. Nana continues to be very angry. I am not sure how much longer I can keep going without sleep. Nana does not seem to need sleep any more.
December 28, 2007
Yesterday I needed to leave the house for an appointment before M arrived. When I arrived home, M told me that there were boxes all over the kitchen floor. I learned later that Nana had also tried to take my computer apart again. Nana told M that she does not like to be left along. I try to leave the house only when M or A2 will be here, but it is not always possible.
