Friday, September 7, 2007

Wandering

I mentioned in the August summary that one sign that my dad's mom needed more care than she could get at home was her unpredictable wandering.

My Nana has begun to wander. This does not bode well for the status quo. I believe that hard decisions are coming to my family sooner than everyone would like.

On a positive note, I see from this email that I come by my night-owl tendencies honestly.

September 6, 2007
Last night Nana and I stayed up all night. Nana was agitated about one thing after another. Finally at 5:30 AM I thought that she had finally decided to go to bed. Fifteen minutes later I gave up and let myself fall asleep.

When I awoke at 9:30 AM, the door to the kitchen was open, so obviously Nana had not stayed in bed. When M came in at 10:00, she could not find Nana. She looked upstairs because she had found her there in the past. She was not upstairs. Poor Fluffy was locked in her cage. Nana had even put a chair in front of the door so that she could not get out.

M checked the basement because the door was open. Nana was not there either. So I asked her to look outside. She did not come back for a very long time. I was really getting worried when I heard M's voice. She had found Nana in the back yard lying on the ground by J's camper. M managed to get her up and on to the porch. Nana sat on the bench while M went to get the walker. Nana did not seem to have any visible injuries. She complained that her back hurt. M noticed later that Nana had one ankle that was a bit swollen. After breakfast, M helped Nana get back to bed. She slept most of the day. When M came back to fix Nana’s dinner, Nana did not eat much. Then she went back to sleep again.

After Nana was found this morning, I called A to let her know what happened. There are no easy answers about what to do next. But I fear that since Nana has left the house once, she may do it again. Thank goodness she went into the back yard. L*** Avenue is very busy most of the day.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

August 2007

My mom is beginning to realize that Nana cannot interpret or process rationale thoughts, that there is no advantage to forcing "truth" on her when her brain can no longer interpret the difference. It is so slow this cognitive decline and yet inexorable. From the outside it looks like the time may be soon when my Nana will need 24/7 care and monitoring. My mom, who has difficulty walking, may not be sufficient to keep them both safe. Since she lives it every day I think it must be very hard to see the changes. There are good days and bad but slowly this disease is eroding the woman my Nana was. The wonderful women who help care for my Nana have been traveling which seems to have exacerbated some of the problems.

I am waiting for the event that triggers a more dramatic intervention by our family. With my dad's mom, that event was my Nannie's visit to a stream where she had met with a childhood boyfriend. In her mind, she was still a young lady going on an outing. The path to the stream was treacherous and she fell and broke her arm. However, she kept trying to convince her daughters that everything was just fine. It wasn't. I don't think we are quite here with my Nana but it feels close.

August 8, 2007
Nana’s friend R is staying with us for a few days. She belonged to Nana’s choir at the Dunellen church. This week R sold her house in Dunellen. She needed to have all her belongings out of the house yesterday. It was a much bigger project than she expected. She finally got to our house at 1:30 this morning. She was really exhausted. She needs a day or two to rest up before she drives back to her home in North Carolina. Nana seems happy to have R here. When R finally sat down in a chair in the living room this morning, Nana said “Now the house is calm.” I am not sure what Nana meant by her statement, but she seemed pleased with the situation.

Note: my Nana is one of those women who was comfortable with the idea of auras, premonitions, astrology and palm reading. I suspect that both my mom and my Nana were comforted having someone capable like R in the house and that truly the house was calmer. It is so like my Nana to say so.

August 11, 2007
Nana’s friend R left Friday morning to drive back home to North Carolina. She called tonight to let us know that she had reached Virginia. She will drive the rest of the way home tomorrow. I think that Nana was happy to have her old friend stay here for a few days. R found that closing her house up to sell was a lot more work than she expected. She was really frazzled the first night that she was here. By last night she was relaxed and ready to start on her journey home.

A2 brought her friend M2 here to meet Nana tonight. She will come to fix Nana’s dinner each night next week while A2 is away. M is also going on vacation next week. But she will only be away one week. When she comes home, she will come twice a day for the next two weeks that A2 is away.

August 19, 2007
Nana has been more confused lately than she was before. She often talks with people who are not there. But Nana is sure that she has visitors several times a day. Today she asked me who fixed this house to look just like her other house. Usually she understands that this house belongs to her. But today she did not seem to make the connection. Maybe tomorrow will be better since she had a lot of sleep today.

August 21, 2007
Nana is not having a good day today. At 5:30 AM she awoke me to say that one of her dogs was lost. I told her that she had just one dog. She seemed angry about that, but she left. Then she came in to complain that there was a gang in her room. I told her that she probably just had a bad dream. In the afternoon Nana told M that she fell while trying to get out of her chair. The chair fell on top of her. She said that she was not hurt. That has happened before when she forgets to use the handle to put the foot rest down before she tries to get up. M has been able to convince Nana that she should be using her walker again. Evidently she was having trouble walking this morning. She told me this morning that her hips hurt when she walked. Also while M was here this evening, Nana refused to speak with R when he called. Normally she races for the phone when it ring just in case it is R calling. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Aug 25, 2007
Nana went to have her hair done as usual today. Then A brought her home. Then M came back for the third time to fix Nana’s dinner. Nana’s hair looked nice and she was happy about the color of her fingernails. M and I told her that she would look nice for A's birthday party. Then about two hours after M left, Nana came into my room and demanded that I go and get her car and bring it home. When I told her that she did not have a car now, she became furious and said that I was mean and nasty. She became so obsessed and so angry that I finally just said that I could not get her car because I did not have the keys and that I could not walk that far. She persisted with the same demands for two hours. Then she decided that I should move out because she did not like me.

Now she can’t find Fluffy. From some of the things she has said, she may have closed the back door so that Fluffy can’t come in. But since it is 80 degrees outside, and I am exhausted from all of Nana’s demands, I think that I will wait until I have had some sleep before I look for Fluffy. I hope that after Nana has some sleep, she will be calm again.

August 29, 2007
Nana seemed fine most of the day. She ate a good breakfast and a good dinner when M came. Then at about 8:30 tonight, she came to ask me when someone was coming to take her home. I told her that she was already home. She left me and came back a few minutes later with the same question. Later I went into the living room. She thanked me for coming upstairs with her. I did not even try to argue with her again. Since then, about every ten minutes, she has come over to ask me if I will stay with her. I have just answered yes. Maybe I should not try to tell her the truth any more. She seems happy if I just agree with her. If I try to tell her the truth, she gets very upset. Maybe keeping her happy is more important.

August 30, 2007
By this morning, I had pretty much decided to agree with Nana whatever she says. She seems happier that way. When I spoke to M this morning, she has decided to do the same thing. Nana’s situation seems to change from day to day. We will see how this approach works.

August 31, 2007
Nana and I both slept well for two nights. Tuesday night no one slept. Late that night Nana was obsessed with finding her mother. Nothing I said would convince her to go to bed. She kept wandering around the house. Around four AM I heard her upstairs. When M came in the morning, I asked her to check on lights upstairs. It was dark when Nana went up there, so she must have turned on some lights. M found lights on in every room. She also found the ceiling fan running. In each room she found some of Nana’s clothes on the floor. I do no know what Nana was really doing upstairs, but I am thankful that she made it up and down again safely.

Tonight I made some soup. After I ate, I put the pan in the sink to wash. I left the kitchen for a few minutes. When I came back, the pan was gone. I finally found it on the floor in the living room. Nana does not know why she put it there.

M will be away for the three day weekend. She will be back on Tuesday. A2 is due back on Tuesday night. I miss them both when they are not here.